All We Have To Fear
by Kryss LaBryn
Summary: Elias wants Chise's attention. He craves it. She is his bride, after all. So... why doesn't he ever want to act upon it? Not even "someday"? The magus is hiding something dark in his past. Chise is determined to help him with it... if she can even find out what it is! Hurt/Comfort; Angst with a happy ending! You know, eventually. Poor kids...
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hi guys! Hope you're in the mood for angst! :)

The rating is mainly for later chapters. Poor kids...

This starts in directly after Episode 18/Chapter 31 (the one with Elias and the cave) so if you haven't seen/read that bit yet this might not make too much sense to begin with.

Cross-posted from my account at AO3.

* * *

"Come on," Chise smiled at Elias, holding out her hand, "Let's go home." She snuggled against his side as they walked back through the snow, a relieved Ruth trailing behind. "Would you like me to stay with you tonight? We can snuggle up in your bed, and fall asleep like that. We have lots to talk about..."

It was dark by the time they made their way home, the mid-winter sun retiring early, and after a warm and comforting dinner, they decided to follow suit. Chise didn't find using the fox pelt as exhausting as using her own magic; but it had been an emotional day, and she was tired.

Elias, too, was subdued, only responding when spoken to, confining himself to monosyllabic answers, not quite meeting her eyes. She had noticed his distance when Stella first called her a friend to her parents, of course; but she hadn't anticipated his jealous reaction to her visit, and she didn't think he was fully over what must have been a wild jumble of overpowering and confusing emotions for him. As tired as she was, she desperately wanted to talk to him about it all more this evening; she was afraid that if they waited until morning, discomfort and embarrassment on both their parts would push it aside and the topic—along with the potential for fallout from it—would be ignored. She was afraid it might blow up in their faces again, and next time, it might be worse than Elias just running from her and squeezing her half to death in a shadow-cave.

So while she had not pushed at dinner, being happy then to keep the desultory (and mostly one-sided) conversation light, now, in his room, she meant to talk things out with him, whether he wanted to or not—and she rather suspected he did not.

When she had entered, pyjama-clad, expecting to find him already sitting in bed, he was instead standing motionless in front of his open wardrobe, staring into its depths, all but fully-dressed still, having doffed only his vest.

"Elias? Are you all right?" Chise asked softly, closing the door behind her.

"Mm." He turned his head slightly to give his non-committal reply, but kept his back to her. She crept a little closer, reading the tension in the lines of his back.

"Are you still upset about me spending time with Stella? It was only an afternoon, and she brought her treats for both of us..."

Elias looked down, crossing his arms. "I still don't like the way you look at her," he finally muttered. "I don't want you looking like that at anyone else. Only me." His shoulders hunched slightly.

"How do I look at her?" she asked, puzzled.

"Like she matters."

Chise was taken aback. "But she does matter. She's a friend, now. But, Elias... You don't need to be jealous of her, you know."

Elias only hunched his shoulders a little higher.

Chise sighed, brushing a wisp of hair back as she stared at his unyielding back. "Jealousy is a hard feeling to have, isn't it?" she murmured. "It's an ugly, twisty thing. I know, Elias. I do know." She rested a gentle hand on his back; he ignored it. "I've felt it so many times myself, seeing happy families in the streets, in the parks, walking about laughing and smiling, loving each other, helping each other, not even knowing about all the awful, scary creatures surrounding them... I envied them their joy, and their ignorance, and I wanted it for myself, so, so much..."

Silence.

She rested her forehead against him. "And when everyone else was so happy, and hated me so much, and just wanted me _gone_... to—to just go away and die and leave them to their happiness, the rude, awful, selfish, crazy girl... then I was so jealous of my mother, too, that _she_ had managed to escape, that she had left me to this hell and gone away, and I was jealous of that, too, that she was dead and done with it all, and I was alive and still had to deal with everything, all on my own..." She sighed. "I was even jealous of Nevin, of how peaceful and _right_ his passing was, how gently he slipped away into his new state, the old making way for the new, his dying bringing forth new life in his tree... I know what jealousy is, Elias. And I don't want you to have to feel it anymore. There's no reason for it, you know."

Elias huffed slightly, still refusing to turn to face her.

Chise slipped her arms around his waist, resting her face against the warm solidity of his back. "I mean it," she insisted. "You have absolutely no reason to be jealous of Stella, or anyone else."

Elias said nothing, but she could feel the tension in his back, his waist.

"Elias, thanks to you I have so many people—so many friends now, more than I ever had in my entire life before. So many people who care about me and what happens to me. And I care about them. All of them. You, Angelica, Lindel, Ruth—even Simon, and Alice..." She paused. "Huh. And you know, every single one of them is older than me, taller than me, stronger than me, wiser than me, more powerful than me..." She gave him a squeeze. "I feel safer than I ever have; but I also feel so small around you. Around _all_ of you.

"But to Stella, _I'm_ the grown-up one. _I'm_ the tall, strong, wise, mysterious, powerful one. I wonder if that's why I liked her visit so much?" she mused.

 _That probably wasn't a helpful thing to say, though,_ she realized, and changed tack. "In the end, though, she's just a little girl who came by for an hour or so to bring us her treats, and have tea. She might do it again in a month or so. _You have no reason to be jealous of her._ "

Elias huffed again, but his arms unfolded, and slid down to embrace hers. He didn't turn; but he was listening, at least. _Will he hear?_

"Elias... I care about lots of people. I love lots of things. I love my friends. I love pancakes. I- I love _you_." She gulped, and continued, Elias still standing immobile. "I love my friends; I care about them and their well-being and happiness and they for mine. I love pancakes; they taste good and I like the texture and they're my favourite breakfast food. And I love you, Elias." It was a little easier to say the second time. "You're—you saved my life, when you bought me. You may not have meant to, but you gave me hope, and made me feel wanted and cared for and—and loved... And I love you, too.

"I love your voice. I love the way it rumbles through me when you hold me. I love your hands, how elegant and long they are. I love the way you carry yourself. I love the glow of your eyes, how graceful your horns are. I love how your cloak billows around you when you walk. I love how tidy and elegant and precise you are, but how wild you are underneath...

"I love _you_. I want you, to be with you. You bought me; but _I_ chose to stay with you. And... someday, once we've got everything all sorted out, when you've—when you've fixed me and I'll get to live for years and years more—I hope it's centuries and centuries, like you and Lindel and Angelica, because, Elias," she squeezed him again, as tight as she could, "Elias, I want to live for a long, long time. With you. I want to have a family with you some day."

Elias finally half-turned in her arms, looking back over his shoulder at her in apparent confusion. "But... I thought we already were family?"

"We are, Elias!" She smiled up at him, peeking up under his arm. "Whether we're married yet or not—whether we've had a wedding or not yet, you are absolutely my family. You and Ruth and Silky and Lindel... You are all absolutely my family." She hugged him again. "But... what I mean is, someday, when we've fixed me and I'm older and we're ready for it, I want to start a family. With you." At his quizzical look, she clarified, "I want to have children with you, Elias. I want your children."

He gaped at her for a moment before stepping back from her in alarm. "Chise!"

"Wait!" Chise's eyes went wide and she scrabbled for words. She hadn't meant to go that far! "I mean, I know you said you don't really like kids, and I don't think either of us is ready to have them yet—I mean, we can barely take care of _ourselves_ right now, right?—But someday—?" Chise blinked back tears at his rejection. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It—it wasn't time yet, was it?" She sniffed, scrubbing at her eyes with her sleeve. "I just—I just want you to understand that you have _no_ reason to be jealous, all right? Not of _anyone_. No one in the _world_ means as much to me as you do. _No one_." She sniffed again, huddling in on herself. "I'm sorry."

Gently, Elias laid a comforting hand on her head. "Chise." He sighed. "It's all right. It's a nice idea—for someday." He paused, dropping his hand from her head. "You're still so young, aren't you?" he added, half to himself. "Do you even know what that would entail?"

"Well, I mean, I'm not even sure if it would be possible, right? I mean, genetically? But if it is... I—I mean, I want to try, at least."

Elias gave her a look she couldn't interpret. "You were just a child, though, when your mother left you, weren't you? I doubt very much she had given you much instruction on the process."

Chise laughed. "Wait, you mean sex? Of course I know what sex is!"

"Really?" She had the impression that if he had had eyelids, he would have blinked. " I had thought you too young to have had a lover..." He sounded vaguely disappointed.

"Of course I haven't!" Chise blurted, shocked. "But I don't need to have _had_ sex to know about it!" She blushed furiously. "I mean, I missed a lot of classes, but they still try really, really hard to make sure you know all the facts about sex, you know? And kids talk about it all the time."

"Ah, good." Elias seemed to perk up for a moment. "Still..." He sighed. " _Knowing_ and _doing_ are quite different things."

"Wait—have _you_ had sex?!" Chise hadn't thought she could be more shocked than she had been already.

"Chise, I've lived for a long time. I've met a lot of people. Some of them have been interested in me. I suppose they found me intriguing, one way or another." He sounded slightly sad about it, though, not matter-of-fact as she would have expected from him, let alone boasting the way she thought men usually did. "I have no need to repeat the experience. It doesn't hold anything for me."

"But—Not even with me? I mean, not right now, when I'm a bit older, but..?"

"Not even with you. I'm sorry." He turned aside from her, and fiddled with his suspenders without quite detaching them.

"But what happened? What was it like?"

"It doesn't matter. It was a long time ago."

"But, Elias—"

"I don't want to talk about this right now."

"Oh. Sorry." Chise stood awkwardly, fidgeting slightly. "I didn't mean to pry. Let's... let's just go to bed, then."

Elias turned his back to her, the tension returning to the lines of his form. "No."

"You want to stay up?"

"No."

"Do you—do you not want me to stay here after all, tonight?"

Elias huffed a sigh, his back still to her. "No."

"Okay. I'll go, then."

Elias's shoulders' hunched slightly. "No."

 _What does he want, then?! Don't stay, don't go..._ Chise sighed, and lightly touched his arm. "What you're feeling right now, it must be very confusing, hm?"

His head turned a little further away, but at least he didn't pull away from her. "Yes."

"Do you want some time to think about it before we talk about this anymore?"

"Yes, please."

The muscles under her hand were still tight. "Do you want me to stay with you tonight? We don't have to talk if you don't—if you're not ready yet."

He said nothing, but his muscles tensed a little more. Chise sighed again. "All right. Elias, I'm going to go back to my room now, okay? If you want me, I'll come. All right?"

Silence.

"Is that okay, Elias?"

He huffed again, and his arm relaxed slightly, although he was still obviously tense. "Yeah."

"Okay. Goodnight, then, Elias." _I love you_ , she almost added, but decided that he might not be ready to hear that again right now. Instead she gave his arm a slight pat, and left.

"Goodnight, Chise," she heard, quietly, as she gently closed the door behind her.

* * *

Back in her room she climbed into bed, tense and wound up herself now, and trying to quash a deep sense of rejection. Curled into a dejected ball, she huddled into Ruth's comforting warmth at her back and thought, _At least he's not actually running away again._

Sleep was a long time in coming, and was fitful when it did. She kept straining to hear his soft footfall outside her door, but all was silent in the dark.


	2. Chapter 2

Elias was absent at breakfast the next morning, apparently either sleeping in or sorting out his thoughts still. Chise was in a way just as happy at his absence; it gave her a chance to mull over his words from the night before as she absentmindedly chewed. By the time she had finished he still had not appeared, and she had still not come to any conclusions, and she withdrew to her room, leaving Ruth in the kitchen having a second helping of eggs, to ponder in private.

She was forced to confront her own feelings of disappointment that she wouldn't, as she had assumed, be his first. _I mean,_ she thought to herself, _your first time is supposed to be pretty awkward anyways, even without everything else with us_. Considering their physical differences, the discrepancies in their sizes not least of all, although that certainly wasn't the end of it, she supposed that at least one of them having some kind of practical prior experience would probably be for the best, if only to minimize the risk of injury. Or of embarrassment. Or of embarrassing injury. Chise flopped onto her bed and stared blankly at the ceiling.

She was jealous, wasn't she? Was she? She honestly hadn't ever considered the possibility of anyone else finding Elias physically attractive, and that gave her the room, she supposed, to not examine whether or not _she_ found him physically attractive, and to just sort out how she felt about him emotionally. She knew she did care for him deeply, and would be devastated if he ever threw her away, as she had feared for so long that he might do. Nevin was right, though; he certainly had never hinted at anything like that, and certainly yesterday was a pretty solid indication of his desire for her presence. And not just her physical presence, but her focus, as well. Her attention. He wanted to be the centre of her world—to what was probably an unhealthy degree, she realized with a guilty start, before pushing the thought away in discomfort. After all, wasn't she doing the same thing with him? Relying on him for everything, content to passively follow where he led, with no thought, really, to what she might want for her own future, beyond having him in it?

 _Being tamed,_ she thought, remembering Lindel's words. _Like a reindeer._

She sighed heavily, rolling onto her stomach and forcing herself to examine her feelings. _Elias_. She cared for him deeply. She loved him, even. She truly did want to have a family with him someday. And, yes, she did look forward to the process, as he called it. Because she loved him, no matter what form he took. She did enjoy the warmth of his embraces, whether she was pressed to cloth or fur or feathers or scales. It was all Elias. She blushed, considering his various forms further. He was tall, and strong, and lean in all of them, regardless of—of the shape or number of his limbs, and she couldn't even believe she was thinking in this way about someone who at times seemed to be nothing but shadows and thorns. _I mean_ , she thought to herself, feeling slightly dizzy, _What do I even do with that?!_

But his usual shape, the way she pictured him when she thought of him, the body she had curled up beside and on so many times... She could admit to herself without feeling too depraved that he was attractive. Whether or not it was a deliberate choice on his part, the way his human glamour seemed to be, he was well-formed, and elegant, with, from what she could make out through his clothes, nicely-toned shoulders and back, a trim waist... She considered her mental picture a little further and admitted that he did have a really nice butt, too. Certainly his stomach was hard and flat against her when she hugged him, and his abdomen in his half-snake form when he lost control of his body was ridiculously well-developed.

Poor Elias. He had been so terrified that _she_ would be terrified—every time she saw him in a new shape, he seemed to expect her to run screaming, and reacted accordingly. He truly didn't seem to realize that she wasn't scared of him. —Well, all right, there had been that moment yesterday when he had bitten down on her shoulder and she had been momentarily afraid that he might eat her... But even that was more of a nervous, "Oops, I hope he doesn't accidentally hurt me," sort of reaction, nothing like the heart-rending terror she had experienced all too often in Japan when it seemed that every neighbour that came across her actively _would_ try to eat her. Dimly, she remembered screaming in the dark, as too many teeth in too-wide mouths tore at her flesh... After having lived that, over and over and over again, how could she ever be afraid of a friend, someone she knew cared about and for her, simply because of something as simple as how tall or—or pointy they were? It made as much sense as being afraid because your friend had a new overcoat.

She shivered, remembering the slide of scales beneath her bare legs in the dark, the stroke of feathers against her face as he pulled her close. Warm, still so warm. Still smelling of Elias, still with his eyes, his face. No, she hadn't feared him, only feared _for_ him. Two weeks, locked in his room with no food, insisting that all was well when it so manifestly was _not_...

Finally caught in his embrace again, after almost dying in his arms, after half a month, wrapped warm in his coils and arms and breath in the dark, felt so _right_. She belonged there, impossibly, with the ancient, child-like magus. She had felt, in that moment, as though it must be her curse that made her not care that she was clutched to the breast of a monster. But how could she have felt anything but relief and joy to be back in the embrace of her beloved?

And he certainly seemed to enjoy her embraces, too; he pulled her to himself as often as she embraced him—more often, even. He would be the one to nuzzle her in a bony approximation of a kiss, or to pull her onto his lap, or sweep her into his arms. He didn't shy away from physical affection with her; why had he been so weird about the idea of sex?

She blushed again. Weird about it in such a strange way, too. Had she thought about it ahead of time, there was no way she wouldn't have expected that to ever be anything less than an embarrassing, awkward topic of conversation, no matter the circumstances. But, well, had she ever actually considered it consciously, she would have been sure of two things: First, that he too would have been a virgin; and second, that his response would once more have been, "Want to try it?"

She just didn't quite know what to do with the idea that this affectionate, emotionally-confused, needy person would be so against the idea of having sex—and not just in the abstract, but with her in particular, the focus of his affection—and so firm in his denial. Ambivalence, she could have understood; but not outright rejection, of both the concept, and of her. What on earth could have happened to put him off the very idea?!

If he had been female, or human, she would have had a very dark guess; but she couldn't picture anyone forcing the Thorn Mage into anything against his will. Why, if anyone tried to, he could just rip them apart! Or just disappear into shadow, if he didn't want to hurt them.

Had something else happened? Had someone broken his heart? Except he didn't seem like someone who had gone through anything like that before. Surely if he had, he would have been even a little more familiar with emotions!

How had he had sex with someone already? _Had_ he had sex? She tried to remember his precise words, and couldn't. Certainly he had heavily implied it, or at least that he had been given the opportunity. She had a flash of his arms, white sleeves rolled back as he sometimes wore them in the workshop, scaled plum skin wrapped around some other woman, moaning in the dark, and her belly twisted. He was _hers_. She didn't want to share him with anyone else, not even with the memory of anyone else. Certainly not with the _thought_ of him with anyone else.

She curled around her pillow, clutching it to her, guts churning. She couldn't bear it. She needed to see him, to hold him, to hear him say she was his. To curl around and into him until there was no beginning or ending of either of them, only _them_. Alone. Together.

Chise sighed, sitting up and throwing the pillow down on the bed. This was ridiculous. Here she was, trying to talk him out of _his_ jealous fit, and all she had done was talk herself into a jealous fit of her own!

She hadn't heard him yet, but he must be up by now; it was almost lunch. She would go and talk to him. At this point, even if it was just about drying herbs, or the difficulties she was having getting the anti-nightmare potion right—more thyme, perhaps? She just wanted to hold him and be with him, and listen to his voice, talking of reassuring inconsequentials.

She opened her door and headed down the hallway. It seemed to be a nice day out; perhaps they could sit in a patch of sun in the conservatory with some tea, and he could read to her.

His door was slightly ajar when she reached it. No sound from within. "Elias?" she called, pushing it open to peek inside.

It was empty. He was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

He was gone. She checked his bedside table; no note. _Please let him just be downstairs!_ She hurried down into the kitchen; Silky was alone. "Elias?" She asked as the neighbour turned to face her. Silky merely pointed. "Outside?" A nod. "Did he leave a note?" No.

Chise sighed, and stopped at the front door to slip on her boots. Should she grab her satchel from her room, with the fox pelt? No, she decided. He was most likely back at the little lake; if he wasn't there she would come back for it. She didn't want to pause for it now.

Rounding the corner of the house back towards the forest, though, she pulled up short. To her surprise Elias stood there, in his usual form, complete with veil and billowing robe, apparently contemplating the snow-covered garden. She couldn't read his mood. Hesitantly, she approached him.

He looked up as she neared. "Good morning, Chise," he said quietly.

"Good morning, Elias. I'm glad to see you up. How do you feel?" She took his arm, looking up at him, but he turned his head away, refusing to meet her eyes.

"Chise. I... can't talk about this now. Not yet. I'm sorry."

Her heart plummeted. Something bad did happen, then. "Are you all right?"

"Mm."

"It's... not a good memory, then, I guess, what happened before."

"No," he said shortly, and turned away, hunching his shoulders again. She hated to see him so distressed.

"Elias, it's all right." She stroked his arm. "Don't worry about it, all right? I won't mention it again. When you are ready to talk, I will be ready to listen; but until then we won't mention it, okay?" She snuggled closer. "You don't have to worry about it. I'm here."

He turned then, pulling her into a tight embrace that left her breathless. "Thank you, Chise."

They stood like that, silently, just holding each other, for quite some time.

* * *

And Chise did manage to put it out of her mind, for quite some time. Telling herself that worrying at what might have happened and imagining all sorts of horrible possibilities, when he couldn't calm (nor confirm) her fears, leaving them to grow all out of likely proportion, was pointless, she concentrated instead on the tasks at hand: learning magic, helping Elias, trying to not die too soon.

Every now and then she would wonder what might have happened, and when, and with whom—and brutally squash the stray thought down with a firm mental shake and the reminder that she didn't even know _if_.

Her new awareness of him as a physical being, though, and as a male was a little harder to shake, the more so knowing too that he regarded her as his bride, either actually or potentially, even if he didn't seem to want to ever exercise his full rights as her husband. In fact, that knowledge sometimes almost made it _worse_.

She would be working at her desk on a potion or medicine for him, and he would come up behind her and peer over her to see how she was doing—and she would be so distracted by the heat of him at her back, so close, yet not quite touching her, that she would completely miss what he said.

Or she would be sitting on his workbench—too high for her to see what he was doing properly, otherwise— as he worked, swinging her legs, as he adjusted a flame, or mixed herbs in a pestle, sleeves rolled up, gloves removed and carefully set aside against stains, the lean muscles of his forearms beneath his plum-coloured skin flexing as he moved, and she would be suddenly overcome by the thought of him sweeping his work paraphernalia aside and bending her over the bench, which was at _just_ the right height for it, much to her blushing awareness. And then she would have to ask him to repeat himself. Again.

Or she would be curled up with him in the study, or the sitting room, snuggled up on his lap as he read to her, or she to him—and he would shift slightly, and she would once again be made aware of the heat of his thighs, firm beneath hers; firm _against_ hers. Feel his taut abdomen pressed to her side, and remember again the muscles she had once glimpsed above a long tail in the dim confines of his bedroom. Feel his warm breath against her face and remember the sensation of his tongue sliding across her neck.

If they had merely been waiting, holding off until they were both ready, or she was older, or her training was finished, or _something_ , she could have borne it. She could even have enjoyed the exquisite torture of pretending he had no effect on her. But knowing that he, too, wanted her by his side as much as she, yet had no intentions of ever consummating their relationship, ever, filled her when she thought of it with a kind of hopeless despair.

Why? Why had he even wanted to make her his bride, if he didn't want to take her as his wife? Why not just take her as his apprentice and be done with it? What was the _point_?

She finally decided to ask him that, at least; perhaps he would be willing to talk about his reasons for taking a bride—a bride he did not seem to ever intend to _treat_ as his bride—and perhaps she could glean some insight into his attitude.

It was still an awkward topic to broach, though, the more so given his unexpected reaction to the idea of sex. She decided to be as casual about it all as she could be.

"Elias," she accordingly asked him one day, swinging her legs as she sat on his workbench, waiting for the liquid in the flask to heat to the correct temperature, "How long do apprenticeships usually last?"

"It depends," he replied, keeping his eyes on the flask.

"On what?"

"On the people involved, on the aptitude of the student, on the abilities of the teacher... Why?"

"Oh, no particular reason," she lied, idly playing with her bracelet. "I was wondering if it was the same for mages and sorcerers. Alice has been Renfred's apprentice for years now, but she doesn't think she's anywhere near done, and Angelica said mages have to study harder..."

Elias dragged his attention from his work to give her a long look. "Sorcerers and mages are nothing alike," he said finally, glancing back. "You can't judge the one by the other."

"Ah."

She was silent for a while, as Elias adjusted the flame and readied the ingredients for the next step, but asked as he stilled again, "Do you remember that first day, when you told me that being your apprentice made us family?"

He glanced at her. "Did I?"

"I liked that," she continued softly, not meeting his eyes. "You were kind of weird; but you went out of your way to make me feel welcome, to make me feel like this was my home. No one had done that for me before. Not even my real relatives thought I was _family_."

"Mm." The liquid was simmering; Elias watched it closely.

"Why, then, did you want me to be your bride as well? Does that make me a different kind of family?"

Startled, Elias stared at her—a moment too long; the potion boiled over. With a muffled curse he quickly doused the flame, reaching for a towel.

"Sorry, Elias," said Chise, chagrined.

"What—dammit—what do you mean, 'a different kind of family'? —Don't let it scald you!"

She shuffled nearer to the already-close edge, but Elias grabbed her up, depositing her on the floor. "I'm not sure I like you sitting up there," he grumbled; "You need to be able to move around unimpeded. Especially if you go distracting me."

Chise hung her head. "I really am sorry, Elias. I did not mean for that to happen."

Elias huffed, turning back to the flask, carefully examining the contents. "No, it's no good; we'll have to start again."

"I am sorry."

"Don't keep apologising. What's done is done. We'll let it cool for now and start again after tea. This time you can do it and I'll supervise."

"All right."

He finally turned to her, wiping his hands on the towel. "What did you mean about different types of family?"

"Maybe another time would be better—"

Elias dropped the towel on the bench and scooped her up, carrying her with his usual long strides to his chair. Sitting, he settled her on his lap. "Now is good."

"All right." She snuggled against him for a minute, still feeling bad about the accident, enjoying the comforting feel of his arms around her.

"Chise."

She sighed. "Yes, Elias. Um." She paused for a moment to collect her thoughts. "It's just... Why make me your bride, if being your apprentice already makes me your family? Lindel calls me your daughter, or his granddaughter, so he already seems to consider me, your apprentice, as part of _his_ family." She paused again. "Does he even know about me being your bride?"

"If I neglected to mention it I'm sure the aeriels would have told him long ago."

"Oh. Good. But still." She leaned back to meet his eye. "Elias, why make me your bride?"

Elias looked away. "I've already told you," he said. "I wanted you to stay."

"But I would have stayed anyways."

"I didn't know that then."

"But wouldn't being your apprentice bind me to you as well?"

"Not necessarily." He huffed. "Sometimes the apprentice grows tired of the slow pace of learning, or there is a personality clash, or the apprentice simply ends up not having the aptitude as was first thought, and leaves. Sometimes the teacher kicks them out." He was still not meeting her eyes.

"Is that what happened with Lindel?" she asked gently.

"With Lindel and Stroud, yes; Stroud was Lindel's apprentice, but I don't believe it lasted very long. I don't know precisely why he left; I didn't care to ask."

 _That's not what I meant,_ she thought, but refused to let his prevarication distract her. "So you thought that a bride would stay, when an apprentice might not?"

"Yes. I wanted to learn from you; I needed you by my side in order to do so."

"And now?" She looked up at him, eyes wide.

"Now?"

"Do you still need me by your side to learn from me?"

"Always, my teacher of human things," he said, nuzzling her affectionately.

She returned it with a smile, gently stroking his jaw, before asking, "Only to learn from me?"

"No. Not anymore. Not just to learn."

"I'm glad." She smiled up at him. "But… why your bride?"

"So… you wouldn't leave me." Elias sounded confused.

"No, I mean… Hmm." Chise thought for a minute. "I'm not asking this right. Um. All right, then. What does a bride mean, to you?"

"I'm not sure I understand."

"Well… My English is still not very good all the time, and I may be misunderstanding the word you're using. What is a 'bride'? What do you mean by the term?"

"Ah." He was silent for a moment. "A bride… A bride and a husband are two people who are bound together, who live together for the rest of their lives. They are family who are not related by blood."

"And that mattered to you, that I was family?"

"Yes. I thought it would help me to understand humans better. But there was no way to make you a blood relation, so being my bride seemed the next best thing."

"Ah! I think I begin to understand." She paused. "So, how does one choose a bride, then, usually? If one doesn't opt to buy them?" She smiled at him, letting him know she was teasing him.

"If I knew that I wouldn't have had to buy one, now would I?" he grumbled.

Chise laughed. "All right, then, how about this: What would one look for in a bride? What would make you say, 'I want to wed this person'?"

Elias considered. "Well, they would have to be someone one would be willing to spend a lot of time around. So not someone too irritating."

"And?"

"And?" he echoed, sounding confused again.

"Is that all?"

"Isn't that enough?"

"Well, maybe for a roommate; but usually when people decide to get married, there are reasons beyond just 'You don't annoy me too much'."

Elias considered. "They… help each other survive," he said slowly. "They get married when they cannot live without the other person's help."

"Do—do you mean in the sense of, 'I can't live without you'?"

"Yeees?" he replied, sounding uncertain. "I still do not fully understand the nuances."

"Oh, Elias…" Chise snuggled into his chest, feeling unutterably sorry for him, for his inability to grasp something so basic. "That's not helping each other to survive. That's _love_."

"Love?" he echoed. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. It's not that they are—that they _cannot_ survive without the other's _help_. It's that they feel as though they cannot live without the other's _presence_."

"Ah. Loneliness…" He rested his skull on her head. "This I understand."

"Yes. Loneliness without that one person. Loneliness that makes the thought of life without them unbearable."

"Hmm." He considered. "So, then… This feeling of emptiness when the other person is absent… That is love?"

"No, not quite," Chise corrected. "Love is the feeling of joy you have when they are _present_. When just being with them makes you happy. When you want _them_ to be happy, too. When them being sad makes you sad in turn. When—when they matter to you more than you do."

"And so, when they leave, you are lonely."

"Yes. But you can miss a friend, too. Love—romantic love—is wanting to be with them always, to hold them, to wake up beside them and go to sleep beside them." _To make love to them,_ she almost added, but stopped in time. This was going well; she didn't want that to end.

Elias was quiet for a long while, apparently deep in thought. "Can… can you love someone you're scared of?" he asked finally, hesitant.

"I don't know." Chise looked up at Elias, loosely entwining her arms around his neck, eyes full of affection. "I'm not scared of anyone I love."

"Hmm."

"Elias?"

"Mm?"

"Why do you always expect me to be scared of you?" she asked quietly.

"Because you are a human. And I am what I am. A half-formed mistake that eats humans. Or did." He leaned his head against the back of the chair. "And that frightens humans, no matter what they say."

"But have I ever _acted_ scared of you, Elias? Have I ever seemed like I was scared, even when I said I wasn't?"

"…No."

"Then why—?"

"Because you are a human. And I frighten humans. Even if they don't think they will be frightened. Sooner or later, they are. They always are."

"But—"

" _Always_ , Chise." And with that he stood, carefully depositing her on her feet, and left.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Guys, I'm sorry, this chapter is pretty dark. But I promise it will get better! -you know, eventually, in subsequent chapters. Not this one. This chapter is All The Angst. :/ But the smut chapter (affectionately labelled "Sexytiems" on my computer) will be showing up soon, and is already twice the length of the others. Also I wrote you guys a little fluff piece to make up for inflicting this chapter on you all; it's called "Mistletoe". Guess what it's about? :D That's right, it's an excuse to have Elias and Chise mack on each other.

Elias, I'm so sorry for doing this to you! *snuggles poor upset bone husbando*

* * *

"Elias, wait!" Chise ran out of the room after him, catching him in the hallway. "Don't go!" She all but tackled him, grabbing him around his waist, embracing him hard, holding him too tight for him to run away. To leave her. "Please, don't go," she whispered, her voice muffled against him. "Don't leave me again."

Trapped, Elias stopped. "Chise, please…"

"No, Elias, please, just listen. Don't go." She squeezed him, fighting tears. "How can I persuade you that I'm not scared of you? That you don't frighten me like that? I've seen you in so many forms, and I've never been frightened of you in any of them. _I love you, Elias!_ You only frighten me when I—when you leave me. When I think I might lose you too. Why—why won't you believe me when I tell you that I am not afraid of you?"

He bent his head, wrapping his arms around hers. "I believe that you believe that," he said softly.

"Do you believe that I love you?"

He sighed, and was silent for a long moment. "I—Yes," he said finally.

"Do—do you love me?"

He sighed again. "Chise…"

"I mean, _I_ think you do. I know you said you don't really feel emotions, but you _do_ ; you just never learned how to identify them. Or what to do with them. It's why strong emotions are so overwhelming for you, I think. You aren't really used to them anyways so they're all very new to you. And you were never—you were never taught about them, what they meant, how to deal with them. And I know that makes it hard for you."

"Yes."

"I just—I need to know. _Do_ you care about me? Or are you just saying what you think I want to hear so I don't leave?"

"I want you to stay with me, Chise. I thought I made that clear."

"And I want you to stay with me! But—you keep running away from me. _Do_ you care about _me?_ Or do you just want me here to learn from me?"

He turned in her arms, and placed a gentle hand on her head, but she could feel the tension in him. "I care about you. I learn from you. I don't understand what you mean. Why must it be one or the other?"

"It—it can be both, Elias. You can care about me _and_ want to learn from me. I just—" she gulped. "I just don't—Sometimes I think you must love me too, that you _must_ care for me the way I care about you. And it makes me so happy," she whispered, tears leaking from her eyes as she squeezed them shut, burying her face in his torso. "I feel—I feel wanted. I feel like I matter. But then you'll—then you'll say something like this, and it feels like you're not—not hearing me, or not listening to me, or just—I don't know, just ignoring me." She sniffed, rubbing her nose on her shoulder. "Like I'm just the same as every other human you've known. Like there's nothing special about me at all." She squeezed him again. "It makes me feel so alone, Elias. I don't want to be alone anymore. I just want to be with you. Why can't you accept that?" She tilted her head back to look up at him, green eyes swimming with tears.

"I don't know," he growled.

"But, Elias—"

" _I don't know!_ " he snarled. "I don't _want_ to know." His form seemed to waver slightly; there was a hint of thorny vines in the shadows.

"I don't want to know," he growled again, his breathing harsh in his throat. "Why do you keep asking me about it?"

"Because, Elias! Because I thought I could just ignore everything and leave you alone and maybe—maybe at some point we could talk about it and sort it out and—and we could—we could be together. Properly together, not just—not just housemates. But—but you don't want to talk to me about it at all, do you? I mean, not ever? Do you—do you even want me? Do you want—do you want me to understand?" She swallowed thickly. "Or do you just want me to—to shut up and… go away?" She squeezed her eyes shut again, clenching his shirt in her fists, holding him as though she were afraid he would rip her away from him and throw her away right then and there.

Elias growled, bending over her, arms clutching her to his torso even as they lengthened, as his hands elongated to claws, as the fine cotton shirt beneath her hands became fine, soft fur.

"I want _you_ ," he growled, his voice harsh with strange harmonics. "I _need_ you." He stepped back from her and crouched, the spines of his back brushing the ceiling, tendrils knocking about the side table. Kneeling, he faced her, monstrous clawed hands resting on the floor as he brought his face closer to her level.

Chise sighed, gently stroking his face, remembering her doubts in the shadow cave. "Is it me, though?" she asked, resting her forehead against the bridge of his nose. "Is it Chise Hatori you want? Or the sleigh beggy?"

"Chise Hatori _is_ the sleigh beggy," he growled.

"But, if there was another sleigh beggy," she pressed, "One as strong as me, would it matter which you had? Would it matter if your sleigh beggy _wasn't_ Chise Hatori?" _Am I replaceable?_

"It would matter. All that matters is you. Nothing matters without you."

"Really?" she breathed, leaning back to look into his strange, slitted pupils.

"Nothing makes sense without you. Everything is cold and empty. Your presence or absence is all that matters."

Chise hugged his face close to her, wrapping her arms around his huge jaw, resting her cheek against his forehead. "Oh, Elias," she whispered, feeling as though her heart would burst. "Thank you."

They stood still for several minutes, embracing each other as best as his form allowed, before Elias finally sighed. "Tea is never going to happen at this rate. Neither is the potion."

"Sorry," Chise smiled, and sniffed, stepping back. "But I'm not sorry for talking to you about this again."

"Mm."

"I'll go and let Silky know that we're ready now, shall I?" She paused. "Do you want to meet me downstairs? You'll have to—you're too big for me to get past you right now, though…"

Elias looked aside, glancing around the hallway. "I'm stuck, he admitted. "And I won't fit through the doors like this. I can't even get down the stairs." He huffed in annoyance. "I wish I was in my bedroom, at least. It's embarrassing to be stuck in the hallway."

"Shh," she whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to his muzzle. "It's all right. We'll just sit quietly until you can regain your usual form."

"Chise, will you stay with me?"

"Of course I will." She stroked a gentle hand down his jaw, his cheek, his new, secondary, bony horn, curving down towards his mouth as she nuzzled him, pressing gentle kisses to the fine membrane of his face. "I love you. I'm here."

His body shifted slightly—growing larger, not smaller. Glancing down his side, Chise spotted a third pair of limbs, ending in cloven hooves, kneeling just before his wolf's paws back feet. A large, scaled tail, finned like a fish's, coiled in the cramped space behind him and threatened to spill down the stairs.

"Elias," she said, fondness warming her voice, "That is the opposite of calming down."

"I know." He hung his head, looking abashed. "I'm sorry. I can't help it."

His feathered mane looked almost like foliage, now; his vines were definitely thicker. Chise looked with concern at the wallpaper, and at the bulk of this form.

"I don't think you'd even fit into your bedroom properly at this point," she said. "I think we need to get you outside."

Elias sighed. "I agree." He side-eyed the window behind her, now tiny in comparison to him. "I don't know how, though."

"Can you, you know, use your teleportation spell?"

He shook his head, knocking a picture askew. "There isn't enough space in here at the best of times. It's why I do it outside."

"I could give it a go," she said doubtfully, remembering the last time she had tried. Rather than teleporting her home as she had intended, Iceland's fiery ariels had transformed her into a phoenix. She wasn't quite sure the house would survive that.

"No. You cannot use so much magic safely. We must wait."

She smiled up at him. "Silky would be angry if I burned the house down, anyways."

"I would not be pleased, either."

"No." She leaned against him again, thinking. "Could you just turn into a shadow?"

"Not—I think not safely. I don't have enough control."

"Never mind, then." She stroked his face again, pressing a reassuring kiss to his temple. "We'll just wait."

"Okay." He settled to the floor, Sphinx-like.

"Will it take two weeks again?"

"No."

She wondered if he was as certain as he sounded. "Elias," she asked, "Why is this happening? –I mean, I understand why it _happened_ —because you were so upset. But you don't seem upset anymore, so why can't you change back?"

"It's any strong, basic emotion." He looked away.

"So… it's when you lose control inside, that you lose control outside, too?"

"I suppose. If the emotion is primal enough."

"So even though Simon annoys you…"

"Annoyance isn't a basic enough emotion. Even hate isn't, really."

She leaned back again to look at him. "Do you hate Simon?"

He grunted. "Simon is merely annoying."

She snuggled close to him again. "Are you still upset?"

Elias considered. "I don't think so."

"Is there something else?"

"Possibly."

"Do you know what it is?"

He hesitated a moment. "No."

 _That felt like a lie,_ Chise thought. "Is it—is it love?"

"Perhaps. Something like that. I think."

"Should I go, then? Would that help?" she asked softly.

"Please stay," he whispered.

"All right." She settled onto his large forearm, snuggling into his mane as he lay. His breath rumbled through her, almost purring. "Elias," she asked, after a pause, "Am I—can—can you tell that I'm not afraid of you? Of this form?" She ran her fingers through the long feathers of his mane, finding his skin beneath, to scratch under his jaw.

"Not—perhaps not right now," he admitted.

Chise paused, trying to find the right words, not wanting to upset him again. _If nothing else, the hallway is already full._ "Why—what do you think might change that?"

He wouldn't meet her eyes. "I don't know."

"Don't you?" she whispered.

"Chise, please," he begged. "Don't—don't make me talk about this."

"Elias, it's all right. You can tell me," she soothed. "I love you. I'm not afraid of you."

He made an odd, choked sound, halfway between a snort and a sob. "But you would be. If—if I… You would be."

"If you what?" she asked softly.

He did not reply.

"If you what, Elias?" Chise pressed gently.

He gave no reply, refusing to meet her eyes, but she could feel him trembling. Something shifted on his back, growing larger, darker.

"No, Elias, it's okay, it's all right—"

He took a shuddering breath, clearly distressed.

"Elias, Elias!" Chise slipped off his forearm to wrap her arms around his neck, drawing him as close to her as she could. "No, no, it's okay," she soothed. "It's all right. I'm here. Shh. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry," he echoed, his voice distant. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I couldn't tell." His hands clutched her tight to him.

"Shh, shh, Elias. It's okay."

"No, no, it's not. You need to understand, don't you? Why I can't—can't be… with you. Even if I want to. And I do." He sighed deeply, looking away for a long minute, clearly struggling, before finally stating in a flat monotone, "It was a long time ago. There was a woman. She found me… intriguing, I suppose. She said she wasn't afraid, too. So…" He trailed into silence, taking several deep breaths. "I thought—they said, they said women sometimes—and I thought it was still alright—I didn't realize. I had believed her, you see. She was… convincing." He laughed once, harshly, and sighed again, hanging his head, not meeting her eyes. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm probably not making any sense. I'm sorry. I can't talk about this. I've _never_ talked about this…"

Everything clicked into place, and understanding hit Chise like a blow from a fist. "Oh, Elias, poor Elias," she crooned, squeezing him as close as she could. "Oh, no, oh Elias, I'm so sorry…"

She held him, stroking him, soothing him as best as she could, tearing up again, until after a long while he gave a shuddering sigh, relaxing slightly against her.

"Elias…" She sniffed. "Elias, I love you. Even when you look like this, I still love you. I still want to be with you."

He tensed again.

"No, no, shh, it's all right, Elias. Shh."

She nuzzled against him, smoothing his feathers, kissing them. "Elias, I love you. I—I know desire is a strong emotion, isn't it? But Elias…" She leaned back, trying to meet his eyes, stepping back to take his face in gentle hands, pressing soft kisses to him. "Elias, I'm not frightened of you." She nuzzled him again. "Even if you shifted forms while we—while we were making love, I still wouldn't be afraid of you. I love you." She stroked his jaw and kissed him again. "I love you."

"I wish I could believe that," he whispered, giving a low groan. "But…" He trailed into silence.

"But that's not what happened last time, is it?" she asked softly.

"No."

"She thought she wasn't afraid of you. She said she wasn't afraid."

"Y—Yes."

"But—but you lost control of your form, didn't you?" Chise whispered, tearing up again, feeling like her heart would break for him. "And you didn't realize that she was frightened. You—you thought…"

"The men in the village had said that—that women screamed, sometimes. If they liked it." He whispered.

"And so you didn't stop."

"No."

"And then…"

"She died." Elias said flatly.

"Oh no, oh Elias!" Chise gasped.

"She—she went out of her mind with terror. And—and—"

"Shh, Elias, it's okay. I understand. Shh. You don't have to say anything else. Shhh."

"I can't—I can't do that again. I can't face that again, Chise. Not with you. I—I can't…"

"Ssh, no, it's okay, Elias. It's okay. We don't have to do anything. I'm here. I'm right here."

Chise cradled the mage's great, monstrous form while he mourned.

* * *

A/N: Oh man, guys, I'm so so sorry. Again, go read "Mistletoe" for a fluffy bit of kissing to wash the taste out. :(

The next chapter will take a bit to get out, since I've jumped ahead to the smut chapter instead of writing the bridging chapter first. Bad author! But the bridging chapter oughtn't to take very long, as it's pretty much just "Chise felt really bad and tried to snuggle Elias extra hard without alluding to anything traumatic. Time passed. The next summer..." Heh. But hey, the "Sexytiems" chapter is at nine pages as I post this, and is nowhere near done yet, so hey, we have that to look forwards to, at least.

Besides, you can't have "angst with a happy ending" without going through the "angst" part first, right? -I've got to add a hurt/comfort tag in there as well, though, I think.

-Oh god, Elias, I'm so sorry! I'm being so mean to the poor confused guy. Sorry, guys. ;_;


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: This one was originally posted in two parts up at AO3, but since they were always intended to be one chapter I've combined them here.

* * *

It was almost midnight before Chise was finally able to crawl into bed beside a pyjama-clad Elias. He immediately lay down in his usual position, to all appearances falling immediately asleep; but despite how exhausted she was, Chise could simply not follow suit, and just lay there, cuddled against his side, staring into the dark, and chewing her lip, for far, far too long.

At breakfast the next morning Elias was subdued, drinking his tea and reading the paper without comment, before excusing himself to his workroom, presumably to finish their potion. He did not ask her to accompany him, a fact which made Chise, still bleary-eyed and feeling haggard, feel almost grateful.

Ruth paused as he polished off the last of his own large breakfast, eyeing her almost-untouched food. "I'll finish that off if you can't," he offered.

"No, it's okay," Chise replied, listlessly chasing a sausage around her plate with her fork.

"Then _you_ eat it."

"I'm not hungry."

"Chise…"

"It was a late dinner, all right? I'm fine. I'm just not hungry."

Ruth snorted. "You may be able to lie to yourself, but you can't lie to me," he reminded her. Chise only sighed. "It wasn't your fault, you know," he added softly. "What happened was a long time ago. Long before you were born."

"Making him dig it all up again _was_ my fault, though." Her fork abandoned the sausage and poked vaguely at a fried egg.

"But—"

"He _told_ me he didn't want to talk about it. That he didn't want to remember what had happened. I knew it was something bad. But I still poked at it and poked at it, and now…" She sighed. "Now he probably hates me."

"You _know_ that's not true," Ruth argued, as Silky came behind Chise, embracing her for a long moment before removing her untouched cup of now-cold tea. "I don't even think he's mad about it. He just—he just needs some time to sort everything out again."

"Yes, because I wouldn't listen to him. I just kept pushing." She shoved her plate away and buried her face in her hands. "Ruth, what am I supposed to _do?_ "

Ruth gave a mournful glance at the plate as Silky removed it, but scooched closer and put an arm around Chise, who turned to snuggle into his embrace. "Look," he said softly. "You're his teacher of human things, right? You _can_ help him deal with it. You'll find the words."

"I think this may be too big for me, Ruth," she softly confessed. "I can help him figure out what emotion he's probably feeling, most of the time. I can help him understand humans. But I can't—I don't have any idea how to help him with this."

"Well, if he were a human, what would you do?"

She sniffed. "I don't know."

"Then maybe… maybe you should talk to someone who does?"

She sniffed again, sitting up. "Like who? He said he's never told anyone else about it. Lindel probably won't know; I doubt Simon would but I wouldn't ask him about something so personal to Elias anyways—He'd never forgive me if I talked to Alice or Renfred or probably even Angelica about it…" She sniffed again, wiping at her eyes; Silky passed her a handkerchief. "Thanks, Silky."

She blew her nose loudly. "I just don't know what to do."

Ruth sat silent beside her, commiserating, for a minute before cautiously suggesting, "Maybe there's something in a book..?"

Chise lit up. "Of course! There's bound to be books and articles and things about it! –I mean, okay, maybe not specifically about precisely what happened with him; but people have been having bad experiences, bad things happening to them, forever. There's _got_ to be _something!_ " She gave Ruth a quick, hard hug, feeling more positive than she had in ages. "Thank you, Ruth! Good dog!"

Ruth laughed and ruffled her hair. "You're welcome. I'll help. Where do you want to start?"

* * *

In the end they turned to the Internet, Chise finding the language in the articles and books she could track down a bit too dense for her grasp of English, and not finding them in Japanese. However, much to her relief, she was able to easily find a host of 'survivor' blogs and communities, people who had similarly-traumatic experiences sharing their stories and supporting one another. It made for sobering reading, and Chise was glad that, as awful as her life had been before Elias, at least that was one type of assault she had never had to endure.

Therapy was often suggested, although usually with following comments pointing out the importance of finding one who both specialized in the field, and who clicked with one personally. She doubted very much that she'd ever be able to get Elias to go to anyone like that, though, and wasn't sure they'd be able to help him with his specific situation even if she somehow did.

She had more success, though, with the suggestions for friends and families. Be there for them, show them you love them, don't judge them for what happened, listen if they want to talk and don't push if they didn't. _Sure, now they tell me_ , she thought wryly. The advice she thought would be the most applicable was to not try to tell them what they _should_ be feeling, or to try to cheer them up by telling them to look on the 'bright side,' or by pointing out how much worse others had had it.

"Don't invalidate their emotions," one commenter helpfully suggested. "They have every right to feel upset, angry, confused, betrayed… Just allow them to feel what they're feeling, without telling them that doing so is wrong. It's not!"

Chise quietly read select comments and points to Ruth as they sat at a public terminal in the library, and chewed a nail. "So," she said at last, sitting back, "I guess the thing to do is to just show him that I still care about him, and give him the space to sort it out for himself."

"Or to safely bury it all again," Ruth said dryly.

"Whichever," she agreed. She was pretty sure this was far too large and complex an issue for either of them to be able to resolve on their own; but perhaps she could at least help to get his equilibrium back. Days later, he seemed almost back to normal—except for the moments she would catch him staring silently into the distance.

"Well," she said decisively, closing the browser and gathering her things, "I guess Operation: Cuddle Elias is underway."

"Yeah, I think I'll leave that one to you," said Ruth as they left. "Somehow I don't think he'd much appreciate cuddles from anyone else."

"Yeah, I guess he can be a bit prickly sometimes," she smiled.

"The Thorn Mage? No, really?" he scoffed. Resuming his canine form, he led the way home.

* * *

Elias was in the sitting room when they arrived home, book open, but eyes focussed on the middle distance. Chise crawled into his lap; he started.

"Hello," he greeted her, arms wrapping around her; "Did you have a nice walk?"

"We did," she replied, snuggling into his embrace. "We went all the way into town. How's your book?"

"Oh, it's alright," he replied noncommittally, marking his page and setting it aside. "Would you like some tea? I think Silver Lady made scones."

"Oh, yes, please! I've worked up a bit of an appetite, I think."

"I know I have," interjected Ruth, settling into his usual spot in front of the fire.

"Good," said Elias, and lapsed into silence again.

Chise crept her arms about his neck, nuzzling her face into the crook of his shoulder. "Are you okay?" she murmured.

Elias grunted wordlessly; but his hands pressed her tighter, reassuring her.

She stroked the back of his neck, and pressed a gentle kiss to his collar. "Don't worry," she whispered; "I'm here."

"I know," he murmured back, nuzzling her.

"Elias," Chise whispered, hesitating, "There's something I want you to know. Something important."

He seemed to hold his breath. "Oh?"

"Yes." Her voice was low, for his ears only, her lips moving against the skin of his neck as she spoke. "Elias—I love you."

He didn't respond; she realized he was waiting for the rest. "That's all," she continued. "Just—I love you." She tightened her embrace, nuzzling her cheek against him. "I love you."

He dropped his head, pressing the length of his jaw into her back, pulling her to him with head and hands as he murmured her name. "Chise…"

"I just wanted you to know," she whispered.

"I know."

* * *

Chise very soon established a new routine, always, without fail, giving Elias a hug and a kiss goodnight and good morning, whichever room she slept in; giving him a hug or a snuggle when she returned from outside; trailing a fond hand across his shoulder as she passed him at the table. Any excuse, any opportunity she had to touch him, whether to cuddle into his lap for an afternoon while they read, or just to give his arm a gentle pat as she passed him, she took. She didn't find it too embarrassing, to her relief. She had been afraid she might feel awkward. But Elias had always been free with physical contact with her, resting a reassuring hand on her head, bending low to nuzzle her cheek, swooping down to gather her into his arms. Sometimes she'd felt like the puppy he had named her, fawned over by an affectionate child. But his freely-given affection, she found, freed her to return it in turn. She had often had the impulse to touch him, to slide an arm around his waist as he stood beside her, leaning over the workbench or her desk, or to stand behind his chair, wrap her arms around him, rest her head on his shoulder, and peer at his book, listening to him discuss it, feeling his voice rumble through her. Now, she had simply stopped resisting that urge.

She wasn't quite sure if Elias had consciously noticed any change; certainly if he had, he gave no indication of it. But, gradually, as the snow melted, she realized that his shoulders would be less tense, that his gaze was distant less often, and that when he was lost in thought, he seemed to more usually be considering something in the here and now, rather than the past.

Chise also very carefully stopped asking him, "What's wrong?" when he seemed distant, instead simply asking, "Are you okay?" or giving him a silent, lingering embrace.

And as winter thawed into spring, the Thorn Mage, too, thawed. And as spring blossomed into summer, hope blossomed in Chise. Elias's quiet, introspective mood had lifted; he seemed his old self again. She no longer so strongly felt the need to watch her every word, to consider how every thought might affect him before she shared it with him. As he became more relaxed, she relaxed in turn, once again content to simply enjoy his company, his touch.

And she found herself once again wanting more, wanting to share more of herself with him. And he felt the same, she was sure of it. The way his touch, his caresses would linger, just a little too long. The way he'd stand just a little too close to her. He'd even said as much, hadn't he? Yes, he was frightened, _terrified_ of what might happen if they did come together, if he did let himself go, if he lost himself in passion. In her.

But she trusted him to not hurt her, despite his size, his strength, his claws and teeth and thorns. She was sure, she was _positive_ that she would be safe with him. And that he would be safe with her.

She _knew_ she would not be scared of him. _Was_ not scared of him. Even felt passion for him, attraction to him, in his more monstrous forms as well as his more usual one. And, oh, she was attracted to his usual form…

But how on earth could she persuade him of it? How, when he didn't believe her; when his previous experience had been so awful? When she didn't even dare mention it to him, for fear of bringing forth all his anxiety and despair anew?

Chise voiced her frustration to Ruth during an after-dinner walk one warm summer's evening. "I mean," she said, "How do I do it, Ruth? How can I persuade him that it really _won't_ bother me if he does shift forms?"

Ruth froze, his doggy nose pointed towards the stream bank, distracted by a sudden frog. "I don't know. What if he doesn't?"

"If he doesn't change? No, we can't count on that. He's positive he _will_ change, and with the way his body reacts to emotion… No, he definitely _will_ change in the middle of things."

"Yeah, I guess," said Ruth, nosing through the reeds. "Or before, even."

"I suppose, yes. Or before—"

And Chise was struck by sudden inspiration.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: NSFW. Have a great weekend! :D

* * *

"Elias?" A few days later, Chise found him in the sitting room. "Elias, it's a beautiful day. Want to go for a walk?"

Elias looked up from his book. "If you like. Where were you thinking of going?"

"Oh, just for a wander through the woods. It'll be nice and cool there." She smoothed her skirt automatically before deliberately stopping the nervous motion.

"All right." He put the book down, carefully placing a bookmark.

As they passed from the garden to the fields beyond, Elias looked around. "Is Ruth not coming?"

"No, he's staying at home this afternoon," Chise smiled, and slipped her hand into his.

"Oh? Why is that?" He looked down at her inquisitively.

"I just want to spend some quiet time with you, alone," Chise explained, squeezing his hand.

"We do that all the time."

"No, I mean _alone_ alone. Away from the house and the others." She smiled up at him. "Also, I kind of want to try a little experiment, and I think that it would be best to do it outside."

"Oh?"

She squeezed his hand again, embracing his arm with her other hand, nuzzling him a bit as she rested her head against his arm as they walked. "Yeah."

"Are you going to tell me what it is?"

"Not just yet, I think. But don't worry; if I'm right, it'll be nice."

"And if you're wrong?" Skepticism tinged his voice.

"Then it'll still have been a nice walk." She gave him another squeeze. "It's a beautiful day today."

"Mm."

They walked on in silence through the forest, enjoying the rustle of the sun-dappled leaves in the breeze, pleasantly mild away from the heat of the sun. After a while, Elias raised his head to look around. "Are we headed to the pond?" he asked.

"Yes; I thought it would be a nice, quiet spot."

"Why there?" he asked, tilting his head to look sideways down at her in curiosity.

"Well, it seemed quiet," she repeated. "Peaceful. Private. I thought about maybe taking you out to the tree where you brought me to rest that one time, except there was an awful lot of people there when I woke up. It was a pretty spot; but I wanted somewhere private." They rounded a last corner, and climbed a small mound beneath a tree. "And I remembered that this place seemed pretty, too, and private."

"Until Merituuli and the dragon arrived," Elias added dryly.

"Well, yes." Chise went quiet for a moment, remembering. "But, that was a special case," she added, giving his arm a last squeeze before walking down to the edge of the small lake to trail her fingers in the cool water. "No one else was around, and it took Ruth ages to find you."

"Mm." Elias trailed behind her into the clearing, but paused partway, watching her. "What now?" he finally asked.

Chise shook water from her fingertips, watching the droplets glitter in the afternoon sun. "Now," she said quietly, standing, turning to him, "Now we can just spend some time together. Without being interrupted." She walked to him, embracing him, nuzzling his vest front as his arms came around her.

"And what do you want to do while we spend some time together?"

She leaned back to look up at him. "Well, I thought I'd try out my experiment," she said softly. "Would you do something for me?"

"Anything, Chise." He nuzzled her hair affectionately.

She hugged him, and stepped back to give him room. "There's something I want to try," she explained, "But I think it'll be easier if you're in your other form. Your bigger one."

Elias glanced around the clearing again, and looked at her sidelong. "Why here?" he asked, pupils narrowing.

"Well, there's lots of room, for one," she said; "And if you end up stuck for some reason, this is probably the best place to be, right?" She gave him a slightly anxious grin. "And I really do want it to be private and pretty. And I didn't remember seeing any neighbours around out here."

He glanced around again. "No, not at this time of day," he concurred; "Not when I'm here."

"Good," she said, relieved. "Um. Will you—will you change?"

She thought for a moment that he was going to object, that he would argue or question her further. But instead, he merely nodded and stepped back, and changed.

And standing before her in the clearing, so tall she had to shade her eyes to look up at him against the bright sky, was the Thorn Mage, in all his wild glory.

"Now what?" he asked cautiously, the strange harmonics of this form accenting his voice.

Chise stepped forwards and embraced him, wrapping her arms around him as far as she could reach, nuzzling her face into his black fur. "Mm, you're so soft," she murmured. It was slightly like snuggling a giant cat.

He awkwardly returned her embrace, hunching over her, his long, thin arms not quite at the right angle to wrap her to him, tall as he was in comparison. Chise pulled back to glance behind him, trying to figure out how his torso and vulpine legs blended with his tail. "You're pretty tall like this," she remarked. "Can—can you sit down?"

"Of course." He sat, dog-like.

"No, I meant—I mean, can you sort of lean back? So I can sit in your lap?"

Elias pondered, then wriggled about for a minute, trying to sort bits and pieces out. He managed to finally get his lower torso more or less upright, legs sticking out before him, tail beside him, hunching a bit to rest his great, clawed hands on the ground to the sides. He looked for all the world like a cat interrupted in the middle of cleaning itself, and Chise had to stifle a giggle. "I don't have much of a lap right now," he apologized.

"Never mind, this will do," she said, stepping closer to him again. With a sigh she wrapped her arms around his neck, enjoying the softness of his long, feathered ruff.

"What is the experiment, Chise?" he asked, somewhere above her.

" _This_ is the experiment," she smiled. "I just wanted us to be able to be together, to be able to touch each other, to enjoy each other." She buried her face in his feathers, stroking them smooth, breathing in the scent of him: Herbs and old books and sun-warmed animal. She gave a little hum of pleasure. "Elias. You always smell so nice."

Elias pressed a hesitant hand to her back, bending over her to nuzzle her hair. "You smell nice too, Chise," he admitted.

"Really? What do I smell like?"

"Like Chise," he rumbled.

Chise laughed, stepping back. He lowered his great head to look directly at her. "How is your experiment going?"

"It's going great," she smiled, rubbing her hand up his forehead. He gave a small huff of pleasure, so she leaned into him, resting against his long face, stroking his jaws. "I like this," she murmured, placing a gentle kiss between his horns, his breath warm on her thighs.

"I do too," he admitted quietly.

They stood like that, Chise stroking his jaws, his cheekbones, his nose, gently nuzzling her cheek against him, pressing soft kisses to his face. "Elias," she said quietly after a while, "You can touch me too, if you want."

"Okay," he said, but didn't move.

She leaned back to meet his eyes. "Do you want to?"

"Yeah." He looked aside.

"I want you to, too," she said softly.

He looked back at her, and carefully raised one huge hand again—large enough now to envelop her head—placing it around her waist. She cuddled it against her with a smile, tucking it beneath her elbow, stroking his thumb where it wrapped around her ribs. After a moment, his thumb twitched, and gently stroked her, as well.

She smiled up at him. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah."

"Do you like it?"

"Yeah."

She gave his hand a squeeze. "I like it too."

His other hand came up, his fingers, his claws gently stroking through her hair, curling down to stroke behind her ear. Chise gave a little moan of pleasure, and he pulled his hands back as if he'd been scalded. "Sorry! I'm sorry."

She grabbed his hand and tugged it back to her, nuzzling into it, pressing a kiss to his palm. His fingers twitched. "No, it's all right," she soothed. "That was nice. I liked it."

He pulled it back again, tension in the lines of his body. "I wasn't sure," he said softly. "I didn't want to make a mistake."

"No, it was nice," she repeated. She hesitated a moment, studying him, then stepped forward to embrace him again. It was like embracing a furry tree, his muscles taut with tension. She hugged him close, burying her face in his soft, tickly fur again, running her fingers through the longer fur of his back, allowing herself to hum with pleasure.

Gradually, he relaxed somewhat. "Don't worry," she soothed. "There's nothing to worry about here. It's just us; it's just you and me. Just Elias and Chise, together." She sniffed loudly suddenly, slightly ruining the effect, and scrubbed at her nose.

"Are you all right?"

"You're tickly," she grinned, nuzzling back into him. He sighed, and embraced her, hunching over her as best as he could.

Chise stroked gentle fingers along one of his external ribs, the bony protrusions enclosing his torso. "Can you feel that?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Is it nice? Or weird?" She lightly scraped her nails along it and he inhaled sharply.

"Nice. And weird. But nice."

"Good." She did it again and he twitched.

"—Elias, are you ticklish?" she grinned.

"I don't—I don't know?" He bent down to try and meet her eyes. "What would it feel like, to be ticklish?"

Chise pondered for a moment. "Well, if you're ticklish, your ticklish spots are extra sensitive, and if they're lightly touched, it makes you laugh, usually."

"Why do you laugh?"

"I'm not sure," she admitted. "You just do. Even if you're overloaded and it's too much and you want them to stop, you still laugh. It's just what your body does."

"Hmm."

Chise lightly scraped her nails over his rib again. Elias twitched. "Does that make you want to laugh?"

"Hm. No."

"Oh." She was silent a moment. "It does feel nice, though?"

"Yes. But it doesn't make me want to laugh."

"How about here?" she asked, trailing her fingers along his inner elbow. Elias gasped, twitching again—a promising reaction. She lightly ran her nails up and down his inner arm a few times, making his breathing quicken and his arm tremble; but still, no laughter. Not even any snorts or huffs. "Oh, well, I guess maybe you _aren't_ ticklish," she said wryly.

"Sorry."

"No, it's okay! Not everyone is." She smiled up at him, her hand stilling. "Although…" She ran her fingers as far up his arm as she could reach. "Perhaps you're ticklish _somewhere else!_ " She pounced, wriggling her fingers in his armpit.

"Is this tickling, too?"

"Well, it's _supposed_ to be…"

"Ah. Ah ha. Hee hee hee."

Chise rolled her eyes. "Elias—I can tell you're faking it, you know!"

Elias did give a huff of laughter at that. "Sorry. You were just trying so hard. I didn't want to disappoint you."

"Elias," Chise looked up at him fondly. "Don't worry. You aren't disappointing me."

"Good." He paused, and tilted his head, his pupils narrowing. "Chise…"

"What? No." Her eyes widened a bit.

"Are _you_ ticklish?" He echoed her own movements, lightly trailing a claw along her ribs over her thin cotton shirt, and Chise shivered, smothering a gasp.

"No."

"Are you sure?" he asked, and slowly trailed his claw up her inner arm. "That doesn't sound entirely true."

"Elias I am _positive_ that I am not—ack!" He'd pounced, as she had, wiggling his claw tips in her armpit; she shrieked and laughed. "El—Elias! Stop! Stop it stop it stop it—"

Instantly he froze. "Chise! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry—"

"No, no, it's okay, Elias," Chise wheezed. "I'm sorry. That was my fault. It's fine. I'm fine." She leaned against him, catching her breath. "That was just—I'm really ticklish there."

"You said you weren't ticklish," he accused.

"Heh. Sorry." She sighed, straightening up and pushing her hair off her face. "I really am sorry. I didn't—I didn't really think that through, how it would look to you." She settled between his legs, resting her back against him, and pulled his hands to her, cradling them in her lap.

She paused for a moment, frowning, sorting her thoughts. "You see," she said slowly, "Tickling can be a lot of fun, for the person getting tickled as well as the person doing the tickling. But… Um… Getting tickled is—your reaction to getting tickled is usually almost completely spontaneous and out of your control. –There's a lot of wiggling and kicking and shrieking as well as the laughing," she clarified, looking up at him, attentively listening. "It can be a very intense experience, to the point that it's just _too much_ stimulation. And then it stops being very fun for the person who is _getting_ tickled; but the person who is _doing_ the tickling tends to still be enjoying it. Even more, sometimes." She frowned. "Humans can be a bit sadistic, I guess. It can be something of a power trip, to make someone so helpless and begging so easily."

Elias rumbled. "Tickling does not _sound_ very fun."

"Well, I mean, it can be. And even when you're begging someone to stop, if you know you can trust them to not take it too far, it can still be fun." Chise had a sudden flash of tickle fights with her dad. "In a way, it's even more fun when you're begging them to stop and they _don't_. But only if they don't take it too far."

She smiled wryly up at him, and squeezed his hands. "That's why that was my fault. Because _I_ knew all that; but you didn't. And I didn't explain it first." She looked down. "If I'd thought about it first, I wouldn't have started it. I must have scared you."

"It _was_ a bit alarming when you shrieked," he said softly, and stroked her hair, unable to reach for a nuzzle. "But it was still a good lesson, I think." He sounded thoughtful.

"Oh? How so?"

"Hmm. I'm not sure I can put it into words just yet. But… I think I am beginning to understand a nuance that I hadn't before."

"That's good, then."

"Mm."

They sat quietly for a minute, before Elias pulled back. "Stand back, Chise, and I'll shift back."

"What? No! Not yet!"

"Is it not time to return?"

"No! No, my experiment isn't done yet! And they aren't expecting us back for, oh, hours yet. Please—"

Chise scrambled to her feet, taking his hands in hers again, "Please. Let's stay a while longer?"

Elias regarded her silently for a long moment. "Okay," he said finally. "If that is your desire."

"More than you know." Chise kissed his hands, relieved.

"So. What now?"

"Now?" Chise reached up to stroke his face, which he obligingly lowered to her, and kissed his muzzle, nuzzling him with her cheek. Elias sighed. "Now, we go back to just Elias and Chise, being together."

"That sounds nice," he quietly concurred. "I liked what you were doing, before."

"Me, too." She thought for a moment, absently caressing his jaws, trying to remember where they had been before she had distracted them. "Which part did you like the best?" she finally asked, leaning back to meet his eyes.

"All of it," he said, unhelpfully. One large claw gently, carefully traced around her ear, and she shivered in pleasure, nuzzling into his palm. "Do—do you like that?" he asked, sounding anxious.

"Yes," Chise breathed. She trailed her fingers down the length of his snout, and back along the side of his face, tracing over the curves of his cheeks, following the border of his skull and his skin back towards the nape of his neck, stepping close to do so. The soft moan he gave made her belly twitch, goosebumps shivering her skin. "Is that nice?" she asked softly.

His response was a low, purring growl that vibrated straight to her groin. " _Yes._ "

Chise stood on tiptoe, pulling his neck down to her as she pressed against him, her nipples abrading deliciously against his bony frame through her shirt as she did so. She sighed in pleasure, nuzzling behind the point of his jaw for the soft skin in the hollow behind his mandible; she had wanted to nibble on it for ages. It was covered now, though, with short, downy fluff, transitioning further down to his magnificent raven plumage.

She placed her open mouth over the down there instead, slowly and deliberately exhaling into it as though she were warming cold hands. He shivered, inhaling sharply. She was delighted with his response, doing it again. His hands clutched at her back as he gasped, and she couldn't help rubbing against him slightly; she could _almost_ reach his lowest external rib, but not quite; his belly was too soft for the pressure she wanted. She gave a small groan of frustration, which Elias echoed above her.

"Chise," he panted, "You shouldn't—you don't know what you are doing to me—"

She held still. "Do you want me to stop?" she asked softly.

"No, but…" he trailed off as she ran her fingers down his back, tracing around his waist to run lightly across his abdomen. He twitched and gasped; she did it again.

"You're so soft here," she murmured, gently stroking his belly, somewhere around her knees. She sat on the ground in the vee of his legs, snuggling against him as she petted him. "It's almost like rabbit fur." The lightest breath wafted his fur, making him shiver again.

"Chise—" he growled, cutting off with a moan as she traced her way down his side and along the top of his narrow thigh. "I can't—you're— _Please!_ "

She paused again. "Elias? _Are_ you all right?"

He made a choked sound. "No! Yes! I—I don't know. You're—what you're doing, you—you don't know…" He curled forward, pressing her to him as best as he could, his breathing harsh. "You don't want to do this," he growled.

Chise leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to his knee, stroking it in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. "Elias, what do you think _I_ think I am doing?"

"I—I don't—know."

She looked up at him, craning her neck, but could only see the underside of his jaw. Reaching up, she gently stroked it. "Would you like to know what _I_ think I am doing?"

"Sure." He leaned his head against her fingers, silently urging her to rub harder. She obliged, scratching along the bottom of his jawbone; he gave a rumbling moan that almost sounded like a purr.

"What I think I'm doing is touching the man I love the way I've wanted to touch him for so long." She scratched in the short feathers under his chin. "In a way that I hope he likes. That I hope he enjoys."

He gave another purring moan. "He does."

"Good," she said softly. "I want you to enjoy this. I want you to like this as much as I do."

"Do you?" he asked, tilting his head sideways to stare down at her with one great, red, slitted eye. He gently stroked her hair. "Do you like this?"

She smiled, her eyes full of affection. "I do. –But, Elias, if I do something that you don't like, anything you are uncomfortable with, if you want me to stop for any reason, just tell me, okay? Say 'Stop' and I'll stop. Okay? I promise."

"Okay."

"It's no fun if you aren't having fun too."

"Is that what this is? 'Fun'?" He seemed uncertain.

"Well, I mean, it's probably not the kind of thing most people are going to mean straight off if they say, "I'm bored, let's do something fun!" She ducked her head, slightly embarrassed. "But, I mean, I like this; I think it's _very_ enjoyable. So in that sense, I guess I could call it fun for me, yes." She paused. "Is it fun for you?"

He looked up, considering her question. "I like it," he said finally; "I find it enjoyable. But also… I don't know. Fear? Anxiety? Excitement?" He paused, before finally saying, "It's a twisty, trembly feeling. I can't sort it out."

Chise snuggled back into him, hugging him firmly to her. "As long as you still like it, too," she murmured. "I'll stop if you want me to; but I'd like to keep going. But only if you want that."

"Yeah. I want that."

"Good," she smiled. "And, Elias…"

He craned his neck to try and meet her eye again. "If I want to stop, I'll say 'Stop' too, okay? I promise. Even if it's just because my leg is falling asleep, or my hair is hooked on something, I'll say 'Stop' if I want you to stop. Which means, if I'm not saying 'Stop', I don't want you to. Okay?" She peered shyly up at him through her bangs.

"Okay."

"Good." She squeezed him again, nuzzling into his belly fur. "Mm, you really are so, so soft here," she grinned.

Elias gave a weird little gulping hiccup, his skin twitching again. "Okay, I might be ticklish there," he gasped.

"Oh?" asked Chise, a devilish look in her eye. "What about over here?" She lightly trailed the backs of her nails down the side of his belly to his inner thigh. His leg jerked violently.

"Stop!" He inhaled sharply, sounding panicked. Chise froze.

"Too much?" she asked sympathetically. "I won't try to tickle you again if it's too much."

"Not… ticklish…" he growled. His form shifted slightly, something between wings and a feathered cloak settling along his sides.

"Are you okay?" she asked, glancing back up at him. She could feel the tension in his body as he held himself rigidly still. "Elias?" She stroked his sides, his flank, trying to stay away from potentially dangerous territory but still offer comfort. "Are you alright?"

Slowly he relaxed again, to her relief, and sighed. "Yeah." He rubbed his hand over his forehead. "That was—that was more than I was expecting."

"Was it bad?"

"No, just—more."

"Should I stop? Or can I keep going?"

"Chise." He looked down at her again, sounding serious. "No more games. What are you trying to do?"

"I'm—I'm trying to seduce you," she admitted, blushing.

"Why?!"

"Because I love you," she said in a small voice. "And I want you. I want to be with you."

Elias sighed. "I want that too," he said quietly. "More than you can know. But, Chise—why like this?"

"Because I thought—I thought that if we _started_ with you like this, you wouldn't have to worry about changing into it and scaring me, you know, in the middle of things." She sniffed, fighting tears. "It was a stupid idea. I'm sorry."

Hesitatingly, Elias reached down, gently stroking her head with his great, clawed hand. "It wasn't a stupid idea," he softly rumbled. "But, Chise—like this? You still want me, even like this?" He sounded disbelieving. "You don't have to, you know. You don't need to prove anything."

Chise felt a spark of anger. "I'm not trying to prove anything!" she cried, "—Except perhaps that I'm not _scared_ of you and that I want you! Even like this, I want you!"

As quickly as it arrived, her anger died. She sighed heavily, snuggling back against him, hiding her face in his fur. "Elias," she finally whispered, her face burning, "I have—I have a confession to make."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Don't—don't laugh at me, okay? And don't—just—this is hard to talk about. It's embarrassing."

Elias waited quietly, stroking her hair.

"Um." She gulped. "I—I want you. You're really, really attractive. I know I'm probably—there's probably something wrong with me, because I'm _not_ scared of you. I've been scared _for_ you, but never _of_ you." She paused. "Maybe—maybe it's because I grew up seeing so many scary things, and most of them were trying to eat me. Like, it's not even that they _looked_ like they wanted to eat me. Or _said_ that they wanted to eat me. Although that happened, too. All the time." She paused, lost for a moment in memories. "Things actually did try to eat me. All the time. Mum had to chase them off. But then—but then she died, and there wasn't anyone else who could see them. So they—I didn't have anyone else to chase them away from me, and everyone around me thought I was crazy, or making things up. I—I wished I _was_ crazy, that it was all in my head. It would have been such a _relief_ , to only be crazy. But I knew I wasn't. Because when they bit me, it hurt. And other people could see the blood."

Chise sat silent, snuggling into Elias's warmth for comfort as he stroked her, his other hand curling around her back. Protecting her. Keeping her safe. "But you, Elias," she finally continued, "You—you _never_ scared me. You aren't _nearly_ the scariest thing I've seen, do you know that?" She glanced up at him; he gave a slight huff of amusement. "And you were kind to me. You were gentle. You looked after me. You _believed_ me. You believed _in_ me. Not even the humans who were my own family did that. None of them cared about _me_ at all. All they cared about was what their neighbours would think about them—their human ones—if they just dumped me off at an orphanage or something. They didn't want me there. No one—" she sniffed and wiped away tears. "No one wanted me there at all. I was—I was an unsolvable problem. They didn't want to keep me with them; but it would have been too embarrassing to have a relative in an orphanage. Or an institution. They'd fight over me—over who had to keep me. Who had to take me in next."

"Chise…" Elias gave her a gentle, reassuring squeeze. "It's all right. You're with me now. You're here."

"I know." She smiled up at him, eyes wet. "I know. And it means so, so much to me. I never, ever, _ever_ thought I'd get to feel like I belonged anywhere. That I'd feel safe, let alone loved. Like I mattered. But I do. With you, I do." She fell silent as he pressed her to him, relishing the feeling, hugging him back. _Wanted_.

"That isn't much of a confession," Elias said after a while. "You've already told me most of that."

"I know." She squeezed him. "That's not the confession. That's just—that's just explaining. This is the confession." She took a deep breath, her face a furious red, and squeezed her eyes shut. "I want you," she breathed. "I want _all_ of you. It's—it's not just that I'm not scared of any of your forms. –I mean, I'm not, that's what I was explaining. You've never given me a reason _to_ be scared of you, and lots of reasons to _not_ be scared of you. But… um…" She gulped and pressed on. "It's not just that I won't be scared if you shift forms while we're—while we're together. I—I actually _want_ to be with you in your different forms. All of them." She hid her face in his fur again, waiting for his reaction.

He was silent for a long moment, before he said, sounding baffled, "Really?"

"Yes," she squeaked.

He stroked her back a few more times, quietly. "But… why?"

"I don't know!" Chise swallowed and tried to sound less defensive. "I mean, it's all still you, right? Whatever you look like, you're still Elias. And I love Elias. Would you—do you feel differently about me when I put my hair in a ponytail?"

He huffed, and said dryly, "It's not the same."

"Isn't it, though?" She sat up straighter, meeting his eye as he bent over her. "I mean, you're changing your appearance a bit more dramatically, sure; but it's still all _you_ , isn't it?" She blushed again. "Besides—I mean—" She swallowed thickly. "I—I can't really explain it, okay? Like, I can't really point to one feature and say, 'It's that. That's what makes you so hot right now.'" She could feel her entire face, neck, and chest burning. "And it's largely because it's _you_. Because _Elias_ is just—just really, really attractive. And—and I want you. And—my brain, my body, I don't know which—it doesn't seem to care which version of you it is. Does… that make any sense?"

Elias considered for a long moment. "I think it does," he said finally, his voice soft. "I'm—I'm not sure I can fully _understand_ it; but I think I can _accept_ it."

Chise smiled, unutterably relieved. "I'm glad," she murmured, stroking his knee again. "I'm so glad."

"But, Chise," he continued, sounding serious, "Please—you have to let me know if—if you change your mind. If you want me to stop. Please— _tell_ me if you want me to stop, okay? Don't—don't expect that I will be able to tell. I can't. I—can't tell. I need to know that you will _tell_ me to stop if you want me to, that—that I—I can trust that you'll—that I won't—"

"Elias. _Elias._ Shh. It's okay." She stared into his eyes, willing him to believe her, to believe _in_ her, to trust her. "I promise, Elias. I _promise._ I will say 'Stop' if I want you to stop. Over and over. You won't—you don't need to worry that you won't hear me, okay? I'll just keep saying it, loudly, over and over. _You won't miss it._ I won't let you. I promise. I promise, Elias. I won't let you hurt me."

Elias inhaled deeply, and sighed, relaxing against her. "Thank you."

Chise snuggled into his embrace, enjoying his warmth, his affection. His _love_. "I love you," she murmured into him. "Don't worry. I'll keep you safe."

"Chise," he breathed, nuzzling her hair. They sat silently, holding each other, reassuring each other.

Elias was the first to pull back a little, taking a deep breath. "I think—I think I'm ready," he said. "What—how do you want to start?"

Chise blushed. "Well, um… Do you want me to keep touching you? Or do you want to touch me?"

"Um." His fingers flexed, digging into the mossy ground; but he flattened them again with what looked like deliberate effort. "I—I want to touch you," he admitted, "But I don't think I can. Not just yet. Not without… worrying."

"All right. If you change your mind, you don't have to ask, all right? Whenever you're ready. I do want you to touch me, too."

"Okay. Sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I'm enjoying this, too." She smiled up at him again. "Shall I keep going, then?"

"Yeah. Okay."

"All right." She stroked his jaw again, reassuringly, and returned her attention to his body, gently stroking him again. His abdomen tensed beneath her hand. "Elias, are you okay still?"

"Yeah. It's just…" he trailed off.

"Is it nice?"

"Yes."

"Good." She paused. "Elias, you can show me that you enjoy it, if you want to. You don't have to stay still. You won't scare me. Or hurt me." She leaned forward, burying her face in the soft fur of his belly, to press a gentle kiss there.

A deep shudder ran through him, and he moaned her name. Chise's stomach gave a delicious twist, and she gently pushed his thigh further to the side so she could kiss the inside of it, too, where his fur was thinner. He groaned, leaning back slightly to give her more access, leaning on one hand as his other came up to stroke her hair.

She kissed him again, one hand smoothing the long fur down, and his leg trembled, his hand fisting in the back of her shirt. She stroked and kissed him again, working her way closer to the junction of his thigh.

Elias made a sound somewhere between a purr and a growl, and she had a fleeting suspicion that her shirt was not going to survive. Supressing a slight giggle, she rubbed her face against the wonderful soft fur of his belly, pressing a kiss there as well, enjoying the sounds he was making.

Pulling back slightly to gauge his reaction, she noticed a small, red tip in his fur. Stroking his fur back out of the way, she discovered he had a sheath hidden within it, covered with much shorter, but still soft, fur. She lightly ran her fingers down it, and the end widened a little further as a little more of his cock pressed out, red and glistening.

Fascinated, she reached out to touch him, remembering just in time to lick her fingers first—she'd learned the hard way on herself that the acid on them burned. Gently she touched the very tip.

Elias made a surprised sound, his whole body engulfed by a violent shudder. She snatched her hand back, but he gasped, "I'm okay; I'm okay!"

 _He must be terribly sensitive._ She stroked his sheath again, wrapping her hand around the underside, and leaned over to just gently breathe warm air on him. He gasped, and slid out further.

Chise looked at him, still slowly stroking his sheath. He didn't look particularly human—which didn't surprise her at all, considering the rest of his body in this form—but he didn't seem _weird_ , either. She'd never seen one in the flesh before, and it wasn't the sort of research one did at the public terminals in the library; but she'd certainly seen enough of them scrawled in varying levels of detail on various walls over the years. She'd gathered that human dicks were more or less cylindrical, with a round bit at the end, and that they might have a curve and veins.

Elias curved as well, but towards his belly, rather than to the side, as the graffiti suggested. And rather than a straight shaft, his thickened near the middle a bit, before narrowing considerably towards the tip, which, rather than a round or heart-shaped bulbous bit, had rather an angled, flattened end that for an absurd moment reminded her of a red marker. The very point of the tip extended in a small finger, and almost without thinking she gave it a slight poke.

Apparently it was particularly sensitive. Elias growled above her, deep and long, and she heard her shirt tear as his claws dug into it.

But, he hadn't told her to stop.

She wondered what he tasted like.

Hesitatingly, she leaned in, bringing her mouth close to him, exhaling warm air, inhaling cold air across him. She'd read of it in a romance novel she'd borrowed from the library (and guiltily hidden beneath her mattress when she wasn't reading it), and Elias certainly seemed to approve of what she was doing. Moistening her lips, she gently closed them just over the very tip of his tip.

Elias froze, his breathing harsh, his muscles tensed rock-solid beneath her hands. She waited for a moment, but he again did not tell her to stop.

Cautiously, she extended her tongue, tasting him. Salt, and a hint of sweetness, and an underlying musky taste that was pure concentrated Elias. It wasn't unpleasant, and she opened her mouth, taking more of him in, her hand on his sheath holding him steady. He slid against her tongue, smooth and salt and hot, making her salivate.

She pulled back, her lips sliding wetly over him, and pushed back down again, taking him as deeply as she could. Once more, twice, and his hand fisted in her hair as he bucked against her, crying out, pumping her mouth full of a cool, thick liquid, a tang to it like electricity on her tongue.

Finally his hand relaxed and dropped away as he gave a last low moan, slumping to the side, bracing himself, arms stiff, careful to not crush her beneath him. He popped out of her mouth as he did so and she quickly swallowed, her lips feeling slightly numb. His taste was more sweet than the bitterness she'd heard girls at school whisper about; she wondered if it was all the tea.

Smiling with affection, she snuggled to his side as his breathing slowly returned to normal. Finally, he sat up, and clasped her tightly to him, his arms shorter, more muscular than they had been. Chise squeezed him back as he rocked her and nuzzled her, murmuring her name over and over into her hair.

When his arms finally relaxed their hold, Chise leaned back to smile up at him, and pressed a kiss to his muzzle. His shape had shifted slightly again, although he still had his feathered mane. His head, while still larger than usual, had more or less returned to its usual shape, with only his one pair of horns.

Much to her surprise, though, long, lank hair trailed down the back of his head, and over his face. "Elias," she grinned, delighted, "You're a blonde!"

* * *

A/N: Holy crap, you guys, look at this! :D The incredible Gaogaigirl (who does absolutely _adorable_ Mahoyome drawings) did one loosely based on the beginning of this chapter! :D 333

It's perfectly SFW, no worries. :D AAAAAA SO ADORABLE ~Kryss


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Also NSFW.

* * *

"Elias! You're a blonde!" Chise was delighted with this new variation, reaching up to run her hands through it. As lanky as it looked, it was also baby-fine and soft. "I always sort of pictured you with dark hair," she murmured, half to herself, before grinning up at him and adding, "You realize I'm going to have to braid this at some point, right?"

"Okay?" he replied, sitting back a bit so as to meet her eyes more easily. "If you like. Why dark hair?"

"Oh, you know..." she waved a hand vaguely. "I mean, your fur is black, and so are your feathers, and your vines, and you're always _wearing_ black... I guess I just assumed that if you had hair, it would be black, too."

"But my glamour is a blonde."

"Yes; but I guess I always just thought that was because Simon's hair is blonde, too. Your real hair is a different shade, though." She leaned back, tilting her head a bit and squinting critically at him. "I like it," she said finally. "It suits you somehow. Why haven't I seen it before?" She looked him over; this was definitely a new variation, his bared arms more muscular than she was used to seeing with his external ribs, closer to his usual look, albeit much larger, and still clawed.

Elias looked vaguely embarrassed. "This only happens if I am extremely emotional," he muttered. "It's not very usual for me."

"No, it's not," she agreed. She stepped forward again, reaching up to stroke his hair and feathers. "How are you?" she asked. "Are you all right?"

"Mm. Yes. Very much so." He nuzzled her hair affectionately. "Thank you, Chise. You're right; your experiment has been very enjoyable indeed."

"I'm glad," she replied, returning his nuzzle with a kiss. "Me, too."

"Do you—do you want—can I—?" He trailed off.

"Is it your turn?" She smiled, her stomach doing delightful flip-flops. "If you like, yes, absolutely!"

"Or _your_ turn," he corrected, huffing a small laugh. He paused, looking concerned. "Is—is there anywhere you don't want me to touch you? Or anything you don't want me to do?"

"Um... I don't know?" said Chise, after a moment's thought. "If anything makes me feel weird I'll say so, though."

"Okay, good." Elias took a deep breath, hesitating for a moment. Tentatively he reached out, lightly, barely even touching her, to run the pad of his finger down the pale column of her neck, tracing along her collar bone, the sharp tip of his talon carefully held just shy of her skin. He seemed entranced, his eyes following the motion with hawk-like intensity. "Such a small thing..." he murmured, almost too low for her to hear, as he gently brushed the collar of her shirt aside to continue over her shoulder.

Chise shivered, the sensation, even as light as it was, being almost too intense to bear. "Everyone's small compared to you," she gasped with the flash of a smile.

"That too," he agreed absently. "But I meant just touching you, like this, with my bare hand, only for the sake of touching you. Only because it pleases me, and you. It seems such a small thing to do, and yet..." He trailed off as his fingers traced back beneath her clavicle. Chise moaned, her head falling back, and he paused, but did not remove his hand. "Is this still okay?" he inquired, sounding more curious than concerned. Some distant part of Chise happily registered his growing confidence; but most of her was lost in his agonizingly slow exploration of her upper breast.

Finally realizing he had stopped, she came back to herself enough to hum agreement, meeting his gaze with a smile. "That is _definitely_ okay," she assured him.

He considered a moment, before reaching for her top button. "Can we take this off?"

Chise blushed, feeling slightly exposed. There still didn't seem to be anyone—or anything—around, she assured herself with a quick glance, and they were hardly out in _public_ ; but the idea still felt surprisingly scandalous. Strange that the idea of taking her shirt off out here should feel naughtier than sucking his cock had. She supposed it might be because putting her shirt on (what remained of it; her back felt distinctly drafty) would take longer and be more obvious to anyone stumbling upon them than her simply leaning back a little.

Still... _I mean, if anyone from the village_ _ **does**_ _end up all the way out here and sees us, sees me here with Elias like this, they aren't even going to_ _ **notice**_ _me. And it_ _ **is**_ _nice and private; that's why I picked this spot!_

Elias still sat motionless, watching her, patiently waiting for her response. She was glad he hadn't instantly and automatically assumed it would be a no; his fingers still hovered above her chest. _Does—does he finally believe that I'm not afraid of him?_

A surge of relief, of love, of pure joy swept over her, leaving her almost dizzy. Impulsively, she threw herself into his arms, squeezing him as tightly as she could.

"Chise?" Elias sounded confused; but happily returned her embrace.

"I love you so much, Elias!" She felt filled with light, with air; she felt as though she might float away entirely were it not for their embrace, anchoring her inexorably to him. "You aren't—you aren't afraid that I'm afraid of you anymore, are you?" She leaned back in his arms, secure, absolutely confident in the knowledge that he would not drop her, would not let her fall. Would not let her go.

Elias lowered his head to hers, his hair falling unheeded into his eyes. His pupils dimmed as he seemed to consider her words, before brightening. "No. You are not afraid of me. You are not afraid!" He hoisted her into the air, hands firm on her ribs, mouth agape. "Chise—you are not afraid!"

Chise thought her own answering smile might split her face in two. "I'm not afraid," she confirmed, and realized something with a start. She wasn't afraid of him, of his forms, however monstrous, it was true—had always been true—but... he wasn't going to abandon her, was he? He wasn't going to let her go. Even if she lived out a full, normal human life-span and died an old lady, his own lifespan had already been so incomparably longer, that even a hundred years or more must be the blink of an eye to him.

He wasn't going to let her go. She wasn't going to lose his interest; he wasn't going to get tired of her and throw her away. She very likely could not possibly live _long_ enough to outlive his interest in her.

Nevin had pointed it out to her; Angelica and Lindel had reassured her; she had sifted and weighed all the evidence herself; but her own experiences had left her unconvinced. And she was sure she would have moments of doubts in the future, probably for years, possibly for ever. But here, now, in this moment, she finally, fully believed it. He wanted her with him. He needed her presence. He would not discard her.

She didn't need to be afraid, either.

And she wasn't. She wasn't afraid. She wasn't afraid!

Laughing, she flung her arms around his face, peppering him with kisses. "I'm not. I'm not afraid!" She felt like she could fly to the moon and back.

"Neither am I! Chise—" He lowered her to the ground again, still holding her firmly. "Chise, _I want you._ " His voice was a growl, sending a thrill through her, his eyes brighter, more intense than she had ever seen them. He stared at her, bent to meet her eyes, his face barely a foot from hers, and she felt wetness, saliva, begin to drip down her fingers as she cradled his jaw. A shiver wracked her entire body, and she felt her own passion leap to meet his.

"I want you too, Elias," she said, her eyes intense. "What do you want to do?"

" _Everything_ ," he growled. The strange harmonics, which had mostly left his voice with his new form, were returning.

"Okay," she breathed; "But—but not too quickly, okay? You're really big."

"And you're really small," he replied. "I won't forget. _Chise_..." He tugged at her shirt.

She felt tatters flap across her back. Well, if it was ruined anyways... "Do you want me to unbutton it?" she asked with a devilish grin. "Or do you want to just tear it off?"

She barely had time to finish her sentence before the remains were sliding off her arms, half of the front danging from a canine as he dropped the rest of the shredded remains to the sides. "Bra?" He urged, hooking a claw over the centre.

"Go for it," she gasped, and with a tug and a jolt as the hooks let go, it, too, was forcibly removed.

He all but pounced upon her, deliberately crawling forward over her, forcing her back upon the ground, his gaze intense upon her. " _Mine_ ," he growled, licking a trail from her navel to her ear. " _Only mine_."

"Only yours," she gasped in agreement.

"No one else has the right to touch you, to be with you."

"No one!" He dragged his teeth across her neck, and bit her shoulder as he had in his shadow cave, so long before, his mouth firm, possessive against her. She moaned as his tongue snaked over her before he pulled away, leaving her shoulder glistening. "Delicious. Always so delicious..." He nosed his way back down her torso, nipping, nuzzling, tasting her, as she twitched and trembled beneath him, hands desperately grabbing his horns, his cheeks, seeking anchorage.

He nuzzled back up her side, exploring the landscape of her body, each hill, each valley, as his fingers traced each rib, trailing down her arm, the touch so light and yet so intense it was almost beyond ticklish as he passed over her inner elbow and down to linger over the pulse of her wrist, before moving down each finger in turn, seeking out each knuckle, the delicate bones of her wrist, tracing back up her arm, curling his hand into the warmth of her armpit—" _So soft,_ "—down her side again to her hip, running beneath her thigh to lift her leg over his arm as he explored the ticklish hollow behind her knee, making her gasp and giggle, before smoothing his hand down her calf to her ankle, exploring the flex and bend of each toe.

"Elias, that tickles," she gasped, her foot jerking violently.

"Should I stop?" His glowing pupils swivelled to meet her gaze, his fingers stilling, but not letting go.

"I might kick you! I don't want to hurt you!"

He chuckled, his voice rich and warm. "I think I'll take that chance." He trailed his claws lightly up her instep and she twitched and squealed.

"Elias! Stop it!"

"Not if you keep making such delightful noises." Sounding amused, he ran his claws back down to her toes.

"This—this isn't fair," she giggled, wriggling but unable to escape, firmly pinned beneath him.

"No, it isn't," he agreed equitably, wiggling his fingers behind her knee. She shrieked as he continued up to the especially ticklish spot at the back of her thigh, and pushed ineffectually at him. "Elias!" she cried, giggling helplessly. "Stop it—no—"

"Do you mean that?" He tilted his head and ran his fingers under her skirt and up the inside of her thigh.

"No," she gasped, as her insides fluttered. His knuckles brushed against her crotch and she inhaled sharply, moaning at the intensity of it.

"Oh, now _that_ is a particularly enchanting sound." He brought his face closer to hers, regarding her intently as he brushed his knuckles over her mound once more, making her shiver and sigh. "Should I stop?" he asked again, his voice rumbling through her.

"God, no! Elias!" She reached for him, instinctively spreading her knees to grant him further access, pushing against him as she sought to pull him closer. "Please..."

Elias nuzzled his way between her legs, flipping her skirt up over her belly before rubbing his muzzle across the crotch of her panties. "You smell so good, Chise," he growled. "So delicious." He nosed against her, lightly nipping at her. "Do you have any idea how maddening it has been to smell your arousal? To know you wanted me, when I was so sure that taking you would—" He stopped, looking up at her again. "Chise. _Are you sure you want this?_ "

Chise could barely remember how to form words, her thoughts jumbled in a lust-filled haze. " _Please_ , Elias!" she begged. "Don't—don't stop now!"

Her words seemed to release a floodgate inside him. So quickly it made her addled head spin, the shreds of her underwear were joining the remains of her shirt, and he'd grasped her hips, raising her to his open maw, his tongue curving over every nook and cranny before plunging into her, filling her depths. His incisors bumped and rubbed her clit as he tasted her, exploring every inch of her, her entrance burning as she stretched around the width of his tongue. Dizzy, her head whirling, she grabbed blindly for his horns, for some anchor, as she hung, shoulders pushed against the grass, legs draped over his shoulders as her toes curled and her back arched as she cried out, wave after wave spasming through her.

Grass tickled her back as he gently lowered her back to the ground, her head spinning. Crouching over her, arms braced on either side of her head, she managed to focus enough to meet his gaze as he lowered his head to nuzzle her cheek. "Chise," he murmured, "That was good?"

"So good," she panted, smiling wide, entwining her arms about his neck.

"Good." He paused. "I don't want to stop yet."

"Neither do I," she whispered.

He sat back a little, his head tilting, his eyes considering as they roamed across her.

"What are you thinking?"

"Angles," he muttered. "My regular form would be more suited to this, but even then I'm still so much larger than you. And I'm not sure I could hold to it..."

Chise struggled to her elbows. "Can you lie on your back in this form?" she asked, eyeing his horns, remembering the spikes down his back.

"No."

"Can you sit back again? Maybe, um, maybe lean back on your elbows like this?"

"Only if you don't want me to be able to move."

Chise chewed her lip. "What if you lay on your side?" she asked finally.

"Mm. Maybe." He leaned away from her and stretched his legs out, reclining on one elbow. "This could work. Come here." He reached for her with his free hand.

Chise rose and slipped her skirt off, setting it aside before taking his hand, her own dwarfed within his grasp. Stepping forward, she placed a gentle, lingering kiss to his snout. "I love you, Elias," she smiled, caressing his face.

"I—I love you, too," he replied softly, nuzzling her cheek as his thumb stroked her hand. She bent her forehead to his, content with the moment, the warm breeze ruffling his feathers to brush her thighs as her hair mingled with his. She sighed deeply, feeling happier than she could ever remember.

Finally she stepped away, squeezing his hand as she released it to stroke his chest. "Go slow, okay?" she whispered. "I haven't done this before."

"I will," he promised, brushing the hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear as she nestled into his palm.

"Thank you." She smiled up at him, and braced her hands against him. She swung her leg over his waist to straddle his hip, and paused. "I'm actually kind of nervous," she confessed. "Silly, huh."

"Not silly. I am, too." His free hand caressed her hip, his thumb stroking her side. "We don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"No, I do," she assured him. "Do you?" She searched his eyes.

"I do." His hand left her hip, trailed upwards to stroke the curve of her breast. "We can go as slowly as you like."

Chise closed her eyes." That feels nice," she whispered.

"Good." His fingers traced over her breast before he cupped it in his hand, squeezing it gently. "How are you so warm and so soft everywhere?" he marvelled.

Chise laughed softly and inhaled sharply as he ran his thumb over her nipple. He moaned in reply and pinched it, tugging it gently before leaning forwards to run his tongue over it. Chise pulled him to her, running her fingers through his hair, through the feathers at the back of his skull. "I was just thinking the same thing," she smiled.

"Ah, yes, the Thorn Mage is famous for his softness and warmth," he chuckled, turning his attention to her other breast as his hand wandered back to her hip, his thumb drifting downward to lightly rub her clit.

Chise whimpered, rubbing back against him in turn, feeling herself grow wet again. Her eyes drifted closed as she lost herself in his touch, his tongue warm against her breast as he lapped at her. His fingers drifted lower, finding her wetness, spreading it over her folds. "Chise, are you ready?"

She moaned and nodded, rising away from him and stroking her palm down his belly, finding him hard and moist again behind her. He took himself in hand, slicking himself against her entrance, spreading her wetness over himself as she lined herself up with him. Slowly, carefully, her knees trembling at the sensation, she lowered herself onto him.

He was big, so big. He stretched her, even wider than his tongue had, as he sank deeper and deeper into her. He seemed to go on forever. She wasn't sure she could even take him all; but somehow she found herself firm against his thighs. She sat still for a moment, adjusting to the feeling of him inside her. It was so strange to be filled in such a way, by someone else. To be joined to him like this. She hurt, a little; but it felt good, too. So much more intimate than she ever could have imagined. She opened her eyes, meeting his, feeling his quick, warm breaths waft over her, and, as strange as he was, could not imagine ever being together like this with anyone else. She had never even considered the possibility of making love to anyone as she was growing up, not seriously; she wondered if that was because she had not yet met _him_.

His gaze was steady upon her, his hand gentle upon her waist, his breathing harsh. The pain was passing, lost in the feeling of him inside her, and she involuntarily clenched around him, feeling him twitch within her in response. She moaned at the sensation, grinding herself against him, and he pushed his hips harder against hers with a gasp.

She leaned forward, nuzzling his chest, allowing him to slide partway out of her, before pushing herself back down upon him. Oh, that felt so good. He was reaching parts of her her fingers never had. More confident now that she could take him, she began to move more vigorously, Elias clasping her waist tighter as he thrust up to meet her.

"Chise," he gasped, panting, "I—I can't hold back. Are you—are—"

"I'm okay," she whimpered; "Don't stop!" Her fingers clenched in his fur as he moved faster, harder, pulling her down to meet his thrusts as her toes curled again and that wonderful, _wonderful_ sensation coiled through her stomach again. She cried out, her back arching, as her orgasm washed over her, feeling him pulse over and over as her muscles clamped down upon him, triggering his own climax as he roared out, pulling her against him, holding her tight to his chest in a grip like iron.

* * *

His heartbeat was steady beneath her ear as she idly traced circles on Elias's chest, his plum skin smooth beneath her fingertips. His arms were warm around her, cradling her close. Keeping her safe.

She wondered if he had fallen asleep. She traced a little lower, feeling the firm planes of his abdomen, and his breathing hitched. Awake, then. Smiling, she glanced up and met his eyes. "Hi," she whispered, suddenly feeling unaccountably shy.

"Hi." His voice was warm with affection as he stroked a thumb over her shoulder.

"Are you still okay?"

"Better than okay," he assured her with a squeeze.

Chise rolled over onto her tummy, resting her chin on her hands as she looked up at him, her eyes roving over the familiar nooks and crannies of his face. Idly she wondered if one might determine his age by counting the growth rings of his horns, like a tree. Was there any tree as old as him? How long had he lived? Centuries, at least. "Elias," she asked, "How old are you?"

"Mm, I'm not sure. I _remember_ at least five hundred years, I think—but a lot of that was with Lindel in the North. It could be less than that, or more. I don't know."

"Were your horns ever smaller than they are now?"

"All of me was smaller when I was with him."

"Yes, but you shrank then, right? So you could get into Rahab's house? I mean, did they ever used to be littler? Compared to the rest of you? Have they grown as you've aged?"

"Hm... I'm not sure I _have_ aged. But as time has passed, no."

"Ah."

"Why?" His head tilted.

"Oh, I was just wondering..." At his inquisitive look she continued, "If they showed how old you are."

"I see. No. They have not changed." He paused, then added, "Not more than the rest of me does."

Chise laughed softly. "Maybe even less than the rest of you. I mean," she reached out a gentle hand to stroke down the bridge of his nose, "No matter your form, your face essentially stays the same. You have the same eyes looking at me, even if your pupils change a bit sometimes." She paused. "I wonder if that's why your glamour seems so fake to me?" she mused. "I mean, it's still a little weird to me now because you look so much like Simon; but I hadn't met him yet when we went to London that first time. But it's not your eyes."

Elias snorted. "That's the point, to not look like me. To not have glowing red eyes in a skull face."

"I know," Chise replied softly, caressing his jaw. "But then, you see, you don't look like _you_."

"Mm." He reached out and traced a gentle finger along her cheek in return. "I suppose." His eyes roamed over her face. "You always look like you, though."

"Even when I'm a fox?" she teased.

"Maybe especially when you're a fox," he replied, his voice considering. "Something in the eyes still stays Chise. Your wildness just comes out."

"I forget who I am, though."

"No." He leaned in for a nuzzle. "You forget who you _aren't_." Chise returned the nuzzle and pressed a kiss to the side of his face as he continued, "You forget your fears and your doubts. All that remains is your desire to explore, to _know_."

"I suppose."

"Your desire for knowledge is what will drive you to become a great mage some day," he added softly.

Blushing, Chise hid her face in his chest. "If I am ever a great mage, it will be because you set my feet on that path," she murmured.

"We will walk it together, then." Gently, Elias raised her chin to meet his eyes again, looking into hers for a long moment, before once again giving her a small nuzzle and a quick lick. "Meanwhile, though," he added, his voice brisk as he glanced at the lengthening shadows, "We had better return home before you are a _late_ mage. Silky will be angry with us if we miss dinner."

Alarmed, Chise sprang to her feet, casting about for the remains of her clothes. "Oh! Yes! Where's my skirt..." She found it half-hidden behind a large clump of grass and shook it out. "Um. I don't think the rest of it is wearable anymore..." Slightly embarrassed, she gathered up what she could find of her shirt and underthings, holding them to her chest.

Elias was just twitching his robe into place; he considered her. "Does it matter?"

"Yes! What if we run into someone?"

"What if we don't?"

"But what if we do? And you _know_ we will. The neighbours are everywhere."

"The neighbours won't care."

Chise sighed, and gripped the torn scraps of cloth a little tighter. "But _I_ will." She blew a lock of hair out of her eyes and added, "You're going to have to teach me how to do that someday. Make my clothes come and go at will."

"Sure. If I can. Meanwhile..." He shrugged out of his robe, wrapping it snugly around her, and scooped her into his arms. "Does this work?"

"I suppose." She snuggled into it, and him, enjoying the weight and warmth and scent of it. The evening breeze was cooling against her bare skin, and the woollen robe was welcome for more than just reasons of modesty.

A familiar touch ghosted across her mind, lightly questioning. "We should go," Chise said. "Ruth says Silky is just serving dinner. And clattering the dishes louder than necessary."

Chuckling, Elias shifted her into the crook of one arm and produced his wand. "Let's go home, then."

* * *

A/N: If you've seen the fantastic art by Twitter's jo_mono_ of Chise braiding Elias's hair, know that yes, I was absolutely influenced by it. :D

. (because I can't find jo's original post of it)


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: This one is SFW, sorry. XD

* * *

Ruth met them at the door, nosing at Chise's foot as Elias carried her inside. "Good news: You're in time," he grinned, wagging his tail. "Did you have a good... talk?" he added to Chise as Elias headed for the stairs.

"We did," she grinned over Elias's arm. _I think everything's all right now,_ she silently added.

 _That's good. I'll let Silver Lady know you just need to get cleaned up._ He disappeared into the kitchen.

Elias left her in her room with a last nuzzle, saying, "I'll go and start apologizing for being late." She smiled her thanks as he closed the door behind him, before shucking his robe—taking far longer than she had expected; somehow it had gotten completely tangled around her—throwing on a dressing gown, and grabbing clean clothes. Not nearly time for a bath; but she thought a quick wash would be a very good idea.

Dinner was delicious as usual, and an interesting wrestle for her between her new closeness to Elias, and an unexpected shyness. She knew she was trying to not act all weird or anything, so she presumed he was as well; but then he'd pass her the peas, or the potatoes, and his fingers would brush hers, and time would just... stop. And all she would see were his eyes, gazing into hers.

And then he'd cough, or she'd blush, and they'd try to pick up where they'd left off. And things would almost be normal again—for a few minutes more.

Chise had _no_ idea how it could somehow manage to be aggravating and so enjoyable at the same time.

Ruth finished off his own dinner with his usual haste and stood, picking up his plate. "I'm going to wander around the garden for a while," he announced, to no one in particular. "Good night, Chise, Elias. Thanks for dinner, Silky." Leaving his plate on the counter, he shifted to his canine form, wagging his tail briefly as the brownie silently patted his head, and padded off outside.

Realizing her own dinner was growing cold, Chise quickly finished hers off, too. "Elias? Do you want to maybe read for a little while? Before bed?" She ducked her head, blushing. She shouldn't be blushing. They did this all the time!

"That sounds nice." Elias stood. "Shall I meet you in the study? Or the sitting room?"

"Um—the sitting room, please!" The study was cozy, and would seem more private; but it seemed to be constantly absolutely infested with neighbours, and she just wanted to snuggle in peace, without any nosy questions from the ariels!

"Very well." And with that, Elias left.

Was he being weird too? Was it just her? Did he even notice anything different? "Silky," she asked, a bit desperately, "Am I—am I being a little weird?"

Silver smiled in wry commiseration, nodding, her thumb and forefinger held slightly apart.

"A little, huh."

Another nod.

"Do—do you know what, um... happened?"

A kind smile, and a small wave of dismissal. _Don't worry. It's fine._

"Should I—should I do anything? I mean, anything different? Or—I don't quite know what to do, now." She twisted her fingers together. "I mean, it's not _wrong_ , I'm really happy; I just..." She fluttered her hands in the air for a moment, helpless to articulate her emotions. "I'm not quite sure what to do next, you know?"

Silky smiled, gave her arm a reassuring pat, and reached for the kettle. _Tea. Tea is next._

* * *

"You've been very quiet this evening," Elias propped himself up on one pyjama-clad elbow to look at her directly, pausing as he reached for the bedside light. "Are you okay?"

Chise glanced over at him and smiled. "I'm fine," she assured him. "Just thinking."

"About what?"

She sighed, glancing back at the ceiling. "Oh, just wondering how things will change for us now."

"Will they?"

"I expect so, yes."

"Do they need to?"

"Well, I mean, it doesn't need to be in a _bad_ way." Chise rolled to face him. "But I think it's sort of inevitable, yeah."

Elias sighed as well. "I don't like change," he grumbled. "Especially not unexpected change."

"Well, but buying me, bringing me home to be your apprentice, that was a change too, right?" She gently stroked his jaw. "But it wasn't a _bad_ one, was it?"

"Yes, but that was an _expected_ change. Even if it didn't all go as I had anticipated."

Chise thought for a moment. "How do you think things might change between us now?" she asked softly.

"I don't know. I haven't thought about it yet. I didn't think it would."

"I'm not quite sure what to do with my hands now, myself," she admitted. "I think—I think I keep looking at them, and remembering—remembering touching you, and then I get all awkward." She blushed, and laughed deprecatingly. "But another thing that's already changed for me is that I feel a bit more confident that—that you want me around, that you aren't going to suddenly get bored or frustrated with me and kick me out." She smiled wryly. "I can't guarantee that I won't still worry about it sometimes, though."

Elias searched her eyes for a long moment. "I suppose," he said slowly, "That I might be a bit more ready to believe you when you say you aren't scared of me. Although I can't guarantee that I might not scare you at some point in the future. I can be monstrous, Chise," he added softly.

She reached out and took his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I will probably do something thoughtless and stupid again, too. But I think if we can agree to try and talk to each other about things, about our worries, and decide what to do about them together, then we can manage to muddle through without hurting each other too badly. If we can be honest with each other, and really listen to each other."

Elias squeezed back, his scales smooth against her skin. "I will try," he said, leaning closer to rest his forehead against hers.

"I will try as well," she smiled, nuzzling him. "Elias—do you think we will do this again some time?"

"Talk? Yes?"

"No, I mean..." she blushed.

"Ah. Yes, I expect so. I would like to. I suppose that is a change as well." He gave her cheek a gentle lick, a smile in his eyes.

"I would like to as well. It was nice." She sighed happily, kissing his muzzle.

"But—" Elias pulled away to meet her eyes. "I think... I think it might be a good idea for us to wait for a while. This has the potential to seriously disrupt your studies, otherwise."

"It does, doesn't it?" She smiled wryly, remembering how distracted she had been thinking about him when she _hadn't_ known just what she had been missing. _I'm not sure I can shove that genie back into the bottle,_ she thought; _but if I know it's only temporary..._

"It would only be temporary," he assured her, echoing her thoughts. "Just until you've finished your studies."

"Or at least, until we think we can manage it without distracting each other and dumping boiling potions all over the place," she giggled.

"Safety first," he agreed, sweeping her into his arms for a hug.

"Perhaps—perhaps we could have a proper wedding some day, then? When we _are_ ready? It doesn't need to be anything fancy; just to make it official in the human world, too. And then we can have a wedding night to look forward to, as well."

"Mm. That might be nice." He huffed into her ear. She giggled again.

"You're hoping it will get Angelica to stop calling you a pervy old man, aren't you?"

"And hitting me, yes. I gather it's bad form to discipline another's spouse."

"Well, then, that will be at least _two_ changes we can look forward to."

"True." Elias paused. "Chise... If you wouldn't mind, you can certainly keep your own space, but—I'd like it if you would sleep with me here. Regularly, I mean."

Chise snuggled a little deeper into his side. "I'd like that."

"After all, you are my bride."

"I am." She smiled, content.


End file.
